Mattering

Posted on October 22, 2024 by B

Book (Moxie Moves) and Bear on bed When I first had the, “I really need to publish a book, plus I am tired of no one really understanding Spirit Moxie” conversation with my self, I chose the working title, Mattering. But I soon discovered that the problem with that title was that no one really understood what it meant. Mattering didn’t invite one to grab a copy off a bookshelf.

So when I first tried to save a draft of this Conversation piece, I got the message, “An item with the same name “Mattering” already exists in the same folder. Do you want to replace it?” Ahhh. I’d forgotten my book’s working title. So now those initial files are safely in their own folder under the book’s final title Moxie Moves:10 easy ways to make a powerful difference.

Shirt reading you are exactly where you need to be Today it is “mattering” as its own topic that is haunting me. Spirit Moxie, which has become part of my identity, now has a life of its own. Most of its fairly original ideas, which were once a tad controversial, are now common place. I’m single and alone a good deal of the time. I was pretty tired when the feeling that “I don’t matter” hit me a few days ago. Even while I was tired, I could journal a bit. I remembered that my children can’t really imagine a world without me, that I have great friends who love me, and that there are at least one dog and one cat on this world who miss me terribly when I’m not around—or at least their behavior when I reappear is indicative of that.

On a larger scale, why do we find claiming that we matter so difficult? Here in our Conversations and on our YouTube channel, I’ve repeatedly reminded all of us that we make a difference. But I’m betting that many readers put themselves aside as the one exception. Other people matter. But how could I?

As I write this, we’re approaching an election in the United States. Do you really believe it matters that you vote as we have claimed it does? And what was that about sleep which is one of the 10 ways to make a difference discussed in Moxie Moves? How could my sleeping, tired or not, change the world as a whole? Plus what about recycling? Does it really make a difference? Don’t they just throw everything away anyway?

I’m writing this during a MeetUp hosted by my housemate. While no one cares, really, what I’m writing, it’s not mirroring the group’s official writing genre. Does it matter that I’m mainly here to support?

decorative shelf And so it goes. Who, me? Matter? Turn it around! In the upcoming election, it matters that there is a person I’d prefer have elected. A vote at the very least acknowledges that and affirms the importance of participating. Getting a good night’s sleep makes me more productive and a lot easier to be around as well as healthier. And, when I was working on the “Recycle” Conversation post linked here, I visited a recycling plant, so I have seen recycling work. Plus, here at the MeetUp, I just lent some paper to a guy who asked what we are doing and sat down to join us. The participant sitting next to me signed up for Spirit Moxie emails and voiced interest in “mattering” as a topic. So, I mattered to them, and they mattered to me.

It works that way. One of my favorite social media hashtags is #makingadifference. Much of this is accomplished by claiming that you do, indeed, matter. If you can’t see it right now, take a breath. Look around – and at yourself. Yup. No one else sees or acts as you do. It is the claiming that is key.

Thank you for mattering.

____________________

Images from the top:
Bed, book, and bear — Spirit Moxie
Shirt – you are where you need to be — Spirit Moxie
Shelves, MeetUp location, Bula Kava House — Noël Ponthieux

Pay Attention

Posted on October 7, 2024 by B

Several years ago, I began a speech with the words, “I am an ostrich.”

Ostrich My friends know I seldom watch the news or pursue a newspaper, real or online. This is, perhaps, one way of not paying attention, although it feels more like emotional preservation. The world makes sure I know about any essential events.

But another way of not paying attention literally hit me a couple of weeks ago when I almost walked into a moving train. One had passed going right and it was only the whistle from another one coming from the right, and the gasp (and maybe a hand?) from the person behind me, that stopped me.

Extreme examples? Maybe. But current events for most of us are at such a peak with such things as global conflict and the United States’ (where this is being written) upcoming election that almost all “work with me” or “attend this” invitations assume fear and overwhelm in people based on simply knowing and sharing reactions to what’s going on.

MAX train - Portland So where is the balance? How is one accountable and so not hit either physically or psychically and still able to avoid most fear and paranoia? How does one know what to pay attention to while remaining calm and grounded? And how do we do that?

First, remember that what you continually focus on expands. We know some positives of this. Love of someone worth loving. Talking to plants helps them grow (really). Learning to listen to the needs and wants of your physical body contributes to health and wellbeing. But we get in trouble when we either obsess or delight in the negative. We obsess about wanting a better job or bills we’re not sure how to pay. Or, we find someone with whom we disagree doing something incredibly stupid and delightedly share this information. And share it. And share it. With friends, on social media, and in conversations with our cats. These sorts of focusing give power to the negative.

Energy by its nature expands. Remember? So all these actions and thoughts, but maybe particularly the negative, gives power to things we don’t want to give power to. What do we want to expand? Pay attention and focus on what gives joy and life. There’s a perfect tomato in my kitchen. What’s the best way for me to enjoy it? The cat wants extra time sleeping on my lap. Perhaps I, too, am called to be still. And, yes, you see positive news and share it. You take positive action by supporting a cause, listening to a friend, and loving your body. So look. Drown yourself in what’s beautiful.

Philodendron If you’re having trouble finding the positive, take a minute right now and look around. What are you noticing? One of my most negative friends loves black. If he were here, he could appreciate my black sweatshirt and the “sexy” black mic sock on the microphone by my computer. Breathe. Ah! You can breathe. There is that. Plus your heart is pumping quite independently. You can find the positive in that. It can be that small. If all you know is news, appreciate that you get it and stop there. If you’re called to real action appreciate the opportunity and community. (Most of those bits are always in community.) If you love puzzles, make it a puzzle to find five things to notice and appreciate right now: Our potential lawn guy just lowered his estimate by $50. I got an invitation for dinner. I know where my phone is! This Conversation piece is almost finished. I’ve heard that my friends who were in the path of Hurricane Helene are struggling, but basically OK.

So breathe. Pay attention. What do you see? If it’s negative, weed it out by knowing but not obsessing. Fertilize the positive. Spread energy accordingly.

_____________________________
Photos from the top:

Ostrich – William Warby
(Note: Ostriches burying their heads is a myth, but has become a metaphor for avoidance and they do lower their heads when scared,}
MAX train – Spirit Moxie
Philodendron growing nicely – Spirit Moxie

What We Can Do

Aside

What can we do?????

guys sitting on curb by grungy street If you feel uncertain about politics, violence, economics, the environment, or any other current issues, global and personal, you may also feel a tad helpless about “things.” Perhaps as a reader or follower of Spirit Moxie, you’ve forgotten that there really are little things we can do to change the world. Or maybe you’ve never really thought that little things might work to affect big issues.

But little things do make a difference. First consider energy. Yup. Consider how you’re feeling right now. Energy spreads. Think of anger and how it can morph into a riot. Well, it works the same way with peace and calm. Think of a meditative space such as a cathedral or even those quiet spaces in airports. You walk in and can feel your whole body relax because of the energy of others who are there or have been there. At a recent Corner of Calm, a half hour virtual event where we simply share calm, I talked about this. You can hear this reflection on YouTube. Perhaps monitoring or changing your emotions doesn’t come easily, but meditation, exercise, and multiple basic exercises can help. What energies do you want in your world? List them.

Moxie Moves on coffee table Then go back to those little things we talk about in Spirit Moxie. If you have a copy of Moxie Moves: 10 easy ways to make a powerful difference, go look at that list. It really is a start! Below I reiterate the 10 easy ways—but in an order different from that in the book. (The number after a Move shows its order in the book. If there is a highlighted link, it goes to a Conversation post on the same topic.)

Smiling (1.) at people and things is a way to positively change energy as we go about our day. Being grateful (2.) is another way to make it easier to have positive emotions.

“You can’t change the world unless you are willing to engage with yourself as well as whatever is around you.”* Remember this engagement is all catching and a stronger you gives you more power. So, love your body (7.), whatever it looks like or feels like. We are bodies and yours is worth love and care. With this, remember the importance of sleep (3.) which actually affects those around you as well as yourself. There are other Spirit Moxie Conversations not in the book that relate, such as brushing your teeth and washing your hands, which we are constantly reminded are things that affect more than ourselves. There are two other chapters in the book that are more cerebral. Learn (5.) and play (10.). These two activities keep our minds active and curious, informing both our being and our doing.

Hand inserting ballot in ballot box Then there are the concrete actions that make a difference as we can we clearly see. An area without litter (4.) is healthier and safer as well as more attractive (back to emotions!). Keeping your word (8.) presents a world that’s trustworthy. Plus lying has a negative effect on your body so it, too, circles back. Listening (6.) and really, really hearing what others are saying rather than plotting our witty responses, whether we agree with them or not, lays a needed foundation for a better world. Plus, it circles back to learning and, for me, being grateful. Finally, there is the one thing that I’m assuming is completely obvious. Vote (9.) In the chapter on this action there is one more suggestion. Vote for yourself. Everyday. As someone who matters. Let’s start the Make a Difference party.

What you do matters.

_________________________

* Moxie Moves: 10 easy ways to make a powerful difference, p. 56

Images from the top:
Despondency Jessica Watkins DeWinter
Moxie Moves on table Mary Barr Rhodes
Voting Spirit Moxie

You

Posted on June 27, 2024 by B

Playful giraffe statue

When I really know something is true, whether about the world or even more about myself, I both assume it’s obvious and that it’s, well, true.

But as I think about sharing with you, I realize that’s not good enough. The heck with all snowflakes being different. People are too. Even those with the same DNA such as identical twins. This brings me back to our Conversation about being willing to be wrong. Being willing to be wrong about others.

So, who are you? What do you love? What do you know is true?

The question here is “Who are you?” The challenge of being unique is to understand your bits, and to not expect them to be true of anyone else. Beyond likes and dislikes, although they certainly count, how do you process information? How do you learn? What feeds you emotionally?

Have you done any of the personality tests such as Myers Briggs or the Enneagram? Much of their usefulness is to show how naturally different and unique we are. (I’m not sharing links because I am very suspicious of the online tests.) In Myers Briggs, I’m an INFP, but so close to an E that sometimes it switches. I’m a clear 9 on the Enneagram which explains a lot. In Quantum Human Design, I’m a Time Bender which in traditional Human Design is a Manifesting Generator. Now this might all sound like gibberish to you. I know the basics about Myers Briggs and a fair amount about the Enneagram. I know almost nothing about Human Design.

Perhaps you pay attention to horoscopes which are yet another tool. I’m a Cancer which in traditional descriptions doesn’t fit me at all, although I’ve had some very insightful readings from people who truly use it. But I do know that all of these tools expound ways to show how varied, naturally varied, we all are and, for people who do know and use these tools, helps people accept and celebrate themselves and these differences. Do you use any of these? Others?

What prompted this Conversation post is my personal passion for hearing about your story, differences, and passions. These aspects of who we are are what drives us and the more we are clear, the more it is easy to interact with all the world and so “change it” and make a difference through the day to day seeds of healing we can plant.

For there’s some agreement the world needs healing. And most likely at some level you need healing too. So today’s challenge is simple. Celebrate you. Know that what is obvious and easy for you isn’t true for many others. Embrace that together we can make a difference.

Thank you!

____________________________

Notes:

Photo: Attention getting giraffe — Spirit Moxie
Related reading (includes thoughts on violence): Who are You?

Planting

Posted on May 20, 2024 by B

flowering tree by a sidewalk During COVID, I wrote a Conversation piece around the importance of growing things called “Plant.” Planting – and seeing growing things – changes us and the world. This Spring, the trees and flowers have particularly enthralled me, perhaps because I’ve been walking more, as I’ve watched the world – or so it seems – bud and bloom. Breathtaking.

Plus, during the winter someone gave me cuttings for four houseplants so I’m now, again, a proud plant owner.

But along with the natural world, I’ve recently been reminded of what we plant in each other. This can be negative and positive.

Hinted at in the Conversation “Be Litter Free*” in the book Moxie Moves, is the negative energy we sometimes inflict on those around us. False ideas. Misplaced anger. Helpful suggestions that aren’t terribly helpful. Like the piece of paper that falls out of your pocket, some of this might be inevitable and is certainly unintentional. But recognizing this as, if you will, a way we plant weeds in our world is useful. Weeds, by definition, are what is growing where we don’t want them to be.

However, focusing on the positive things we might plant can mitigate some of this. For it is our positive plantings that do change the world. Kind of like the marigolds you plant with your vegetables to attract bees and, so we’re told, deter many pests. Plus, while they won’t keep the deer away, marigolds are at least one flower the deer won’t eat, so that flower bed can indeed boast flowers! What might you do that is a positive planting?

hand dropping ballot in ballot box Many are on our basic “little things that can change the world” list. Smile.* Listen.* Vote.* Keep your word.* Or are more provocative like “be kind to animals” and “don’t kill.” For today, what are the simple seeds you can plant? A sincere compliment, maybe to the grocery store checker or the person ahead of you in line? Grinning at the little kid who is looking at you when their mom isn’t noticing? Being honest when asked a question. (Lying hurts the person to whom you’re responding, but also hurts you physically as well as mentally. Really.)

You get the idea. What have been your favorite Spirit Moxie Conversation posts? What would you add?

Besides, the little things, there are also the fairly big things we plant in the world. For some it has been a new business that has affected their community, country, and planet. Perhaps it is an idea tentatively shared or a new insight. It’s existing things like libraries. I’m working in one right now which is offering free internet access to multiple patrons or, for me, good wifi in a place free of the distractions of home where I can also find a recommended book to take home to read after dinner. Our highway network. Electricity. The Internet.

4 small pots with plants Part of your job might be the dreaming that creates these — but it is certainly gratitude for them which helps give them power.

So, plant. My new housemate moved in with an almost full bag of potting soil, so now my cuttings have graduated from glass jars to real pots. I’ve been trying to share more of my ideas, most recently around “doing without doing” (or “how to be lazy”) which might not change the world, but might change someone. Plus, I am writing to you.

Share – how and where are you planting?

________________________________

All images by Spirit Moxie. From the top

Spring trees
Voting in Oregon
New houseplants

*In Moxie Moves: 10 ways to make a powerful difference (Amazon link)

The Challenge of Story

Posted on April 24, 2024 by B

Five star library sign; bookshelves Almost everyone loves a good story, whether a formal tale or that anecdote about the guy in the supermarket. It’s one reason gossip is fuel for so many and, I’m guessing, is also the basis for serious insights revealed in therapy.

One version of story — I might argue the most pervasive version — is what our minds “say” about feelings and events. It may indeed be raining. Someone hit you. Joe actually said those words. I might like rain, see the blow as a playful punch, and know Joe was teasing. However, you might experience rain as depressing, be scared of such violent action, and feel violated by Joe’s words. When one starts identifying our interpretations as story, it can be very freeing even when the interpretation is negative. And when we start looking at being powerful in the world, truly wanting to contribute to positive change, just beginning to see this is important.

However, there are other sides of story. There are the ones we hear and read. But today the sides I’m fascinated with are the ones that explain how we’ve evolved and are evolving into our best selves. This is the part of you that, perhaps, loves animals, understands music, and smiles at strangers. The part of you that yearns to change the world, that wants to make a powerful difference, has also been formed by story.

Because often our default in stories about ourselves is negative, and we usually tell those stories to share our vulnerability, I dare you to look deeper. Other stories are there.

shadow of figure on sidewalk I got to this point by realizing I’m sometimes impatient when people see situations as hard (yes, I know I don’t know all of the details). And I realized why. One day I was simply walking down the street by the main branch of the Cincinnati public library (officially the Cincinnati and Hamilton County Public Library), headed to meet my son for dinner. Suddenly I fell down. I didn’t trip. I didn’t pass out. My shoes were tied. There wasn’t a bump. I just fell. Flat on my face. Well, at least I turned my head. After I convinced the 20-year-olds passing by that they didn’t need to call 911 and was given some Kleenex by one of them, I proceeded on, got some ice for my head from the restaurant’s bartender, and had dinner. Two days later I finally went to my doctor who diagnosed a mild concussion. And the remedy for a mild concussion is low light and no activity.

So, I thought, in the best new age manner, “What is my body trying to tell me?” Clearly, since my body simply fell, it was trying to get my attention about something. As I lay there in the low light, I realized it seemed to be calling me to be simply present. It was saying that planning and forced acting wasn’t me. And for a year, I easily lived in that space.

But at the end of the year I was diagnosed with an odd kind of leukemia. Clearly, in this story of listening to my body, my body was actually shouting. This time the attention getting involved three weeks in the hospital, first with chemo, second through a process of resetting my white blood count, and finally the diagnosis and treatment for a nasty MERSA infection. Apparently, being present was still too active. I was called just to be.

Personally, I love this story. Mainly because it works. People talk about internal mind chatter (yes, I do still have some), how hard it is to live in “now,” and being overwhelmed with day-to-day demands. Apparently, almost dying (as my doctor once impatiently reminded me) can make just being almost always easy. Note that through just being, multiple things happened, or got done if you prefer, such as publishing two books* and moving across the country.

Green rock with "Believe in Yourself" on it This, too, is a story. Somewhere there is a story that works for you. Perhaps it’s about learning how to love. Or what happened when your kids finally realized they didn’t know everything. Maybe it has something to do with seeing, really seeing, that you’re good at skiing or gardening or playing the Legend of Zelda. Or whatever you like to do.

You may learn that you can relax enough to begin a story where you, too, find the advantages of presence, being, and ease.

Play with it. It’s time to give your positive stories space and love. I dare you to share!

___________________________
All photos by Spirit Moxie – from the top:

Main branch of the Cincinnati Library – 2019
B’s shadow on sidewalk
Rock – “Believe in Yourself” (Don’t really know the source of this photo, do you?)

*Books: Moxie Moves: 10 easy ways to make a powerful difference
Talking to Trees through poetry and pictures

Gratitude and Thanks

Posted on March 20, 2024 by B

cat sitting with two books Perhaps the most basic step or action to making a difference and changing the world and oneself is gratitude. Appropriately gratitude was one of the first “little things” we wrote about in Spirit Moxie’s Conversation posts. “Give Thanks” was published more than ten years ago in December 2013, just a few months after Spirit Moxie was launched. In the book, Moxie Moves: 10 easy ways to make a powerful difference, which explains the idea of Spirit Moxie more clearly, “Be Grateful” is move #2.

So, we’ve written about this. But sometimes we need reminders, and, for fun, to play with distinctions. Today I’d like to claim that one distinction is collective and one is personal. What might feel counterintuitive however, is that “thank you” is the collective one.

While working on this Conversation, I decided to post a TikTok (one of my new experiments in reaching more people) on “saying thank you,” as being one of the little things that can change the world. While planning the post, I realized something that now seems obvious. Saying, “thank you,” besides being an automatic response engrained into you by your parents, also acknowledges that someone has done something for you. (Duh). And, when you examine that statement, pure connection and possibility emerges. (Wow!)

spiderweb Surviving as a human is pretty much impossible without other humans. So we can see “thank you” as an acknowledgement of the web—or maybe a strand that is part of the web—that connects us one to another. Saying, “thank you” to that other human being who bagged your groceries, opened a door, or handed you a cup of coffee can expand your appreciation for humans in general. What about the rude receptionist? The tired take out clerk who would have gotten the order wrong if you hadn’t checked? Remember, they are also human.

One of the things I do that sometimes amazes my friends is get around using only public transportation. It has become essential for me to say “thank you” to the drivers when I leave a bus. Sometimes that “thank you” evokes the response of a “have a great day.” Sometimes however, I’m not sure the driver hears me. Sometimes the driver initiates the “have a great day” exchange. I always listen to see if others also say, “thank you.” Many do. This person just drove more than 12 tons of machinery safely so you can get where you’re going. We are connected to them via webs and strands.

So “thank you” supports and acknowledges the collective, the interactive web of being human that makes it possible for you to be you. It also reminds us of our place in that collective.

Collage of flowers and wine; a tree; pedicure Gratitude, on the other hand, is personal, although sometimes it is expressed publicly and certainly can be seen to touch thanks. Being grateful is not so much an acknowledgement of an action or experience as a perception of how that action or experience has affected you. Gratitude changes the way the world appears to us and makes us more productive and effective, a result scientifically studied by such writers as Shawn Achor. Gratitude certainly helps us be happier. One can start integrating this into our lives by simply noticing or listing three to five things every day that you are grateful for from yesterday or that are underway right now.

Through my friend and mentor Scott Mills, I learned the power of expanding on gratitude. Name the action, event, or situation for which you are grateful and then for five minutes or more describe it in more detail. Include how and why it makes you grateful as well whatever you remember about it. I suggest ending with a few of those “thank you” threads.

I know thanks and gratitude change the world and are tremendously important. But I also see these as easy and integral ways to claim the power of the collective and the power of ourselves. It is the collective that makes changing the world truly possible.

So welcome to being human. Whom did you thank today? How and for what are you grateful?

_________________________________

Dalí sitting with books (Moxie Moves – link to printer! – and Talking to Trees) – Spirit Moxie
The thanks video is also on Instagram
Web (2011) – alijava
Gratitude collage: wine and flowers; tree; pedicure – Spirit Moxie

Claim

Posted on February 7, 2024 by B

Claim is a verb!

barren hills Redwood Canyon When I began writing this, I got a bit puckish and remembered the “Wild West” definition, with prospectors and land barons. In my imagination I saw dry creeks and hills. There, “claim” was a noun.

However the kind of claim that has an impact in changing the world is a verb. But apparently, it’s a verb many of us don’t trust. Last night, for example, I met a very interesting person, an executive in a wind turbine company based in Denmark that has a presence in Portland, Oregon, where I’m now living. The conversation went something like this:

Me: “So you change the world.”

Him: “Well, kinda. I’d like to think I do. But look at what our kids are inheriting.”

Me: “Claim it. You change the world. Period.”

Him: “Well, maybe, but…”

I think I finally got through. But if you “maybe’ change the world and “would maybe like to” make a difference, you probably don’t. This seems endemic to most of you that follow Spirit Moxie. Yes, you. Oh, the idea of “little things that can change the world” sounds good. You now read similar ideas elsewhere. You find that it’s fun to come up with new “little things.” You enjoy posts such as this one. But do you take any kind of stand that your actions work, that you (yes, you) matter?

Washing hands Intellectually how could your getting enough sleep* or brushing your teeth affect anyone besides yourself? Smiling* might brighten someone’s day, but would it, how could it, change the world?

There are a lot of parts embedded in this question. One analogy is, for example, that you want some exercise so you walk around the track at a local school. Or maybe even run around it. But even though you’re running, it’s not a race unless 1) you decide it is and 2) other people are involved. Note that #1 is you. Others could be racing and you’re not. But if you decide to race, if only to get a better time, others very likely will play along even if it isn’t a formal “race day.” It’s the same thing if you say that it would be great if people claimed that whatever little thing they are doing makes a difference. Smile*. Listen*. Vote*. All these are one person actions. You can’t make anyone else do them. It’s an individual decision.

What’s essential here is the “claiming.” Deciding that today is race day. Figuring that if I get enough sleep. I’ll be healthier and a lot more pleasant to be around and the health care system will have one fewer person to deal with. As a result my friends can relax and I can experience more joy which is actually contagious in a good way. There’s a deliberate action in this. It is by claiming these actions as making a difference that changing the world becomes possible. Even if only you do them. When a lot of us do them, positive, even unpredictable change becomes possible.

Taking a step We read that we’re enough, are fabulous, are good the way we are. But our mind may say, “Who, you? Don’t be silly. You’re not big or strong or important enough to matter.” Thank your mind for sharing. You are all you have to offer. And it is enough. If you claim that and I claim that, we have enough people for that race. And others will join in.

What’s your stand? Race on?

_____________________

* A chapter in Moxie Moves: 10 easy ways to make a powerful difference
1. Smile; 3. Sleep; 6. Listen; 9. Vote

All photos by Spirit Moxie
Red Rock Canyon Park (I think)
Another little thing: Wash Your Hands —David A. Lynch, model
Off to run — Noël Ponthieux, photographer

Welcome 2024

Posted on January 4, 2024 by B

Remember who you are.

upside down one way sign This year I struggled with a post about the new year, which is why this post is early in the year, but not at the very beginning. I reread all the former end of/beginning of year Spirit Moxie Conversations. (I suggest the core 1916 post “Dream” and last year’s “Foundations.”) I wrote a lot of rough drafts about “unease,” which is hardly the most positive word for 2023. Plus, it wasn’t entirely true. Then, on a New Year’s Eve flight to visit my son and his family, I understood. Besides wondering why travel always freed me, I realized I’d stopped claiming who I am at my core. And that was the source of the unease I felt.

Have you forgotten who you are? Has the chatter in your head become so loud that you’ve also forgotten your beauty, resilience, and general fabulousness, which, by the way, are three things I know are true about you?

The first clue I had that I’d forgotten was my reaction to a challenge from Amanda Fuel as part of a finance game in which I’m participating. What percentage of my life is determined and guided by me and what percentage is guided or manifested by the magic of the Universe/God/Chance (choose your phrase)? She was working on a 55%/45% relationship for herself. I’ve heard 10%/90% as well and vice versa. If you find these percentages useful, play with them. How much of the determining factors do you bring and how much do you want to happen to you through forces outside of you?

Thinking about this, I realized that what meant the most to me wasn’t percentages, but recognizing that there is a partnership between the two. Somehow, for me, that partnership had been shaken and become unstable. While I have had dreams and goals, somehow they had become just words I’d written. In other words, to be effective, I needed to actively remember who I was and who I am so the Universe (or whomever) could do its magic.

clouds from plane window The second piece to help you remember: I kind of dare you to try. It is an exercise I love that apparently pushes people’s buttons. Ask someone — using these exact words — “Tell me how I’m fabulous.” You can ask me that question when you see me in person. Or, send me a private message. There’s two parts to this apparently very vulnerable question: 1) You learn things about yourself you’ve never noticed before and 2) It’s a gift to the person being asked. To look at you that way and share is exciting, interesting, and bonding for the person responding. We love the challenge to ourselves to look at you this way. Plus, we’ve been wanting you to know! So my request to ask me is pretty much all self-interest!*

Who you are at your core is what to bring into 2024. Your own greatness. Your job, if you will, is to remember that that greatness is there. Yes, include those dreams. Use the word “goals” if you prefer. It’s fun if some of them are huge and some are tiny. Share those too.

The world needs you exactly as you are right now. Yes, you’ll change. But breathe into now, the you of early 2024. And, in the next step you take, breath into that you too.

Thank you!

_______________________________________

*I I know I got this exercise from someone else, but haven’t been able to find it again.

All images by Spirit Moxie:
Upside down sign: Is this how the end of the year felt?
View on the New Year’s Eve flight

Choose Your Extravagances

Posted on December 5, 2023 by B

A couple of weeks ago, I asked some friends which “little thing” on the current list of little things we can do to change the world I should write about next. “Choose your extravagances” leaped out to them. It is number 10 on the original list of 100, so it was part of my initial determination of what small things could, indeed, change the world.

Jaguar parked by garage But what did I mean by extravagances when I first listed this in 2013? There aren’t any notes, but I’m pretty sure the why and how of this has expanded, if not changed.

In 2013, I think I viewed this as meaning, “don’t be wasteful.” That’s still valid. Do you really need “that” car, coat, or shiny object? Sometimes the answer is, “yes.” My partner always wanted a Jaguar, could afford one, and took great delight in driving it. Sometimes the answer is “really?” An example might be that expanded time share I almost never use that might both pay for itself and give me more options. But in this conversation, when talking about the things beyond necessities, often the answer is, “no.” NO! This is your own list. One friend actually functions better with his morning Starbucks americano. I can do just fine with coffee at home or at my local diner. Because I consciously choose to not own very much stuff, my examples are different from yours. Because I use public transportation well, a ride share service such as Uber or Lyft is an extravagance for me. But on my last visit to Cincinnati and during my “do I want to live in Thailand” experience, ride shares were usually the only option for getting places. I also have friends who have exclusively used ride shares, along with walking and maybe riding bikes, when they’ve chosen not to have a car.

Now I think there is another part of “choose your extravagances.” Deliberately select some extravagances. The key word here is “deliberately.” First, we live in a time where denying yourself is seen as virtuous. Think of that diet. Think of wanting to do what everyone else is doing but money and time are saying, “no.” Think about the idea that really wanting more of anything is wrong.

Now think of “extravagances” as one way of enjoying and participating in this world we think might benefit from some change. Perhaps it is to always have real whipped cream on your pie or whole milk in your latte. For me, I realized I enjoy going out to eat and travel more than new clothes or the latest phone. Do I ever buy clothes or replace electronics? Yes. But my monthly spending plan has an inordinate amount allotted to restaurants and the credit card I use gives me perks when traveling.

Flat white with design on top The diet example is maybe the easiest to understand. I usually ask for no cheese on sandwiches and omelettes as for me cheese only adds calories rather than flavor. But I enjoy good cheese with bread or crackers before dinner or even for dessert. Sometime in my late teens I decided cream and sugar in my coffee weren’t worth the calories, especially because I usually drank coffee with desserts. But now I have friends who will tell you that enjoying good coffee, usually black, is something they identify with me.

Sunrise over evergreens Note the phrase above of “enjoying and participating.” Enjoying the world is certainly central to having it be the world you know it could be. (“Changing the world” as the Spirit Moxie tagline reads.) When you are only angry with your partner or children, they never have a chance to blossom and be great around you. But when you enjoy being with them, enjoy their idiosyncrasies, and sometimes participate in what they love, something more beautiful than all of you becomes possible. Yes, I know that example is a bit simplistic. But think of our world the same way. What do you want to indulge in that is beautiful, extravagant, and that also, in some way, serves who you are? Getting up early to watch a sunrise? Ordering the real butter and the bread basket? Buying the shoes or spending the extra $40 for an upgraded airplane seat (yup – just did that)? And so, we participate. Not with something just because it’s there, but because it provides satisfaction and maybe a bit of joy.

Sparkling wine and goldfish crackers Your list will be different from mine. I’m pretty sure you can’t imagine that sandwich without cheese and that you find delight in the cheapest ticket you can find when traveling. But watch and choose. My friend bought the most expensive champagne she could find when she sold her house. She drinks a low cost Costco white wine otherwise.

Choose YOUR extravagances. And share what they are! Hearing about them adds to our enjoyment. Yes having and naming your extravagances will add to and change the world.

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Images from the top:

The Jaguar — Spirit Moxie
Flat white in New Zealand — Spirit Moxie
Sunrise — Teresa O’Bryant
Sparkling wine at Evoke Winery tasting room (Vancouver, WA) —Spirit Moxie

Spirit Moxie

Little Things That Can Change the World

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