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Support Artists

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Last night I trekked across town to listen to my friend Brianna sing soulful, original songs at a place with the wonderful name of The Listing Loon, a “craft beer & wine bar/bottle Brianna Kelly and friendsshop.” I also unexpectedly heard her play more “upbeat” stuff with another guitar player and a drummer, a side I’d never seen before. In the process, I met people and, yes, talked about Spirit Moxie, supported the local economy by buying a couple of drinks including one for the musician, and for the first time, was betrayed by Uber. As result, I also had a perfect, unexpected, and beautiful midnight bus ride home. Great evening.

I also started thinking about how we support artists and why it matters. I was going to write a Conversation piece about going to art fairs, and I still might, but today the broader scope seems more crucial.

It truly is through art that the world is changed. The impact of writers is fairly obvious. Look at the writers, especially novelists and playwrights, in closed and violent Communist countries who told the truth of what suppression did to people. Think of Madame Defarge, in Charles Dickens’ Tale of Two Cities, who has now become an icon for revenge, who used something as innocent as knitting to secretly keep records. As Samantha Bennett says, “…the only thing that ever changed the world was a new story.”

But today I’d like to put in a plug for the visual and performing arts similarly changing the world. And I’d like to add our support and participation, since I know some of you are artists, for changing it, too.

People need weird stuff in their houses.At it’s best, art makes us see things differently. We see an ordinary object from a different perspective. The “truth” of a song, any still life, a great portrait, that weird piece—whether visual or audio—where you can’t figure out where they are coming from. Look at the fairly recent popularity of flash mob performances. Just having our regular routine “upset” by art seems to speak to us.

A New York City friend recently posted on Facebook about someone taking over her subway car: “That moment when your train entertainment is so good you wish you had money to throw at them. Sorry man, you totally deserved my absent cash money. Hope to hear you again soon with a full wallet.” (For the record, for non-New Yorkers, the people who choose to interrupt the anonymity of subway travel are usually terrible.) The only money I give out on the street is to performers who are worth it, sharing their talents and trying to make a bit.

BANmovie2You might already support multiple artistic endeavors. Your children’s school performances. The garage bands started by friends and family that get real gigs in bars and restaurants. I still remember the ska band Nice Guy Eddie that was the creation and obsession, for awhile, of my younger son’s friends, who are now my friends. And then there was the grand red carpet opening (and only showing) of my son’s almost complete film, which also featured his friends, Bitch Ass Ninjas: the return of Fatty which we attended in faux furBANmovie1 and a tuxedo.

And of course, when you attend an event you are also supporting the bars and restaurants that have these groups play, which also helps the world.

When the “little things that can change the world” piece on Dance came out, I talked about my friend Misa’s work. She’s now on to bigger things, so if you’re anywhere near Los Angeles or Santa Barbara you might want to look up TURF. My drummer friend Lance, who critiqued that same post, now has his own band Free Speech, based in Cincinnati, which unfortunately I’ve only been able to see a couple of times. And I’m just using this as an example. What are yours? What excuses are you using for not going? They’re playing too late? I don’t go to bars? How dare they charge when they’re amateurs? If you’re playing that last card, I don’t suppose you’ve considered buying their new CD either.

Painting Track 2-Train LateAnd how do you support the visual arts. I can find time to attend events, but I only have so much wall space. Well, artist have events too. While you might not buy, there are openings, receptions, and, yes, shows. My regret is that my awesome friend Jeri is regularly winning pastel honors and being featured in shows, but the closest I ever got to attending one was trekking to downtown New York to see one of her miniatures on exhibit. I’m just not in that part of the world at the right time. My friend Kim has reinvented painting Water of Lifeherself into a successful encaustic artist who is featured in various Colorado galleries. But I can “like” the pieces these artists share on Facebook. I can tell them I’d like to be there for the opening. And I can cheer when one of their pieces is the perfect piece for an award or show or, gasp, just because I love it.

The beautiful cover photo that was on the Spirit Moxie Facebook page through August 2016 (you can see it in the notes below) is by my friend Su White Paper DressYork of Suzanne York Photography who is frantically launching a business with her gorgeous photos (she’s also winning awards), while she continues to be one of the best hair stylists in Cincinnati. Sometimes one can just cheer. I’ve met the incredible Roxana Ramos Cueva — and “liked” the paper installations she’s done throughout South America. Etc.

So who are you supporting and how? Every like, every dollar, every purchase, every  puzzled “what were they thinking” or pure moment of simple enjoyment , helps change the world. Trust me on this one. Report in. We can help the world see itself in new and creative ways.

Are you in?

__________________________________

Illustrations from the top:

Brianna Kelly and Friends — Spirit Moxie
Ezra Croft quotation — Spirit Moxie on Canva
20th Century Theatre marquee— Spirit Moxie
Movie Opening — Spirit Moxie
track 2/train late — pastel by Jeri Greenberg, used with permission
Water of LIfe — encaustic monotypes by Kim Roberts, used with permission
Installation in paper by Roxana Ramos Cueva — Gabriela Morales Gonzales

The August 2016 Spirit Moxie cover photo by Suzanne York Photography
view of Cincinnati from Kentucky

Random Notes

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Stormy sky with bit of sunFor years I’ve avoided reading newspapers or watching the news, but I still manage to learn about major events. Sometimes when I hear a bit of news, I even go looking for more information. And certainly the Internet, odd notes on Yahoo, and posts on Facebook, keep me pretty well informed. Whatever that means.

In June 2015, when nine people were shot during a church service in Charleston, SC, all I could think about was confronting my white brothers and sisters, or maybe confronting us all, about privilege, humanity, and self-worth. The result was my post My Turn. If you haven’t read it, I’m told it’s worth reading. If you already have, it might be worth rereading.

I reread it recently because for the past two weeks, the world seems to have again been overwhelmed with violence. And I realize I don’t really have any more in-depth, challenging words to add to what I wrote a year ago. But I feel compelled to share something. Killing each other, yelling at each other, and feeling helpless and disempowered are not ways to make the world work! So, we’re back to the little things we can do. I can write. Here are a few random notes. Things to remember. Things to do.

Flower1) Baton Rouge, LA; St. Paul, MN; Dallas, TX; Nice, France; Bagdad, Iraqi, plus multiple other places. My friend K. Jeanne Person remembers those shot in Orlando, FL, with beautiful, in-depth word sketches about one person per day. At this point I just want to list names of the United States’ most immediate tragedies—or the tragedies when this began. Baton Rouge has been hit again.
Meanwhile I find myself wondering how surprised Alton would be to find himself listed with white police….

The Names:
Alton Sterling
Philando Castile
Lorne Ahrens
Michael Krol
Michael Smith
Brent Thompson
Patrick Zamarripa

2) People who should know say we’re all one race, or al least that is what anti-racism teacher Jane Elliot is saying. The human race. Time to change the forms? I wanted to mark “other” when given the usual choices yesterday. However I guess I’m not quite confrontational enough. And yes, one can argue. Words are just words, so we are the ones who decide what race means. The dictionary includes most definitions we’ve heard.

But if one is playing with vocabulary I find myself with the word “species.” We are clearly one species.

French Bulldog restingNewfoundland resting
Then I think about the species “dogs.” We know a dog when we see one, but I can’t think of a species that has so many different looking breeds. Yet most dogs recognize any other dog as, well, a dog.

In My Turn I use the words “race” and “people.” I’m not sure I would now. Do we really want to claim separation among ourselves? Brown eyes. Curly, red hair. Maybe. But separating us much more doesn’t work. Human. Yes, that classification simplifies things.

Black Lives Matter t-shirt3) Regarding “Black Lives Matter.” Yes, indeed, we do all matter. But the recent steps to explain why “Black Lives Matter” doesn’t threaten us all mattering, got me thinking.


My take is that there are good analogies for us all being one body. Even if you don’t agree with that play along for a minute. I brush my teeth (flossing is one of the major things you can do for your health). I stretch because otherwise my legs and shoulders hurt. But when I fell last winter and had a minor concussion it was all about brain health (and monitoring a lovely black eye). I black eye selfieassume I still brushed and flossed, but what I focused on, what I remember doing, was monitoring coordination, memory, and pain. During that period, the priority was #painmatters.

In our one body analogy, or the one race one (see #2 above), our black brothers (mainly brothers) are being killed. Racism is still an insidious problem. It is hurting our safety, our economy, and our sense of self worth. It is hurting all of us. #BlackLivesMatter is a call for our collective health. So we can, if you will, get back to flossing.

4) Pokemon Go. (What, you say? Remember the title of this post is “Random Notes.”

“Oh, my god. People, kids(!), are walking down the streets on their phones.” “I am above [implied] downloading this app.” “How dare people look at my outdoor space.” Etc.

Well, you have been complaining for years that kids are looking only at their computers and not going outside. Now they’re playing, actually [gasp] walking, and you find this to be a problem?

Oh, they want to step two feet into your yard? Let’s post a social media complaint and threaten them. Heaven forbid that you interact with people playing a game. Would you call the police if a ball landed in the yard too?

Pokemon ScreenThe world is suspicious and impersonal and now random people are stopping you in the street (or at least this happened to me) and saying, “See, isn’t he cute?”, as they show you their screens.

Economically people (or so I’m told) are hosting events. Businesses are including PokeStops in their ads. It is a safe conversation with strangers especially given #1 and #3 above. (I spent a lot of time in a parking lot waiting for someone while engaged in this conversation.)

Younger people and adults are interacting. We want people to engage and so make the world friendlier. Get over it. Do you see how this might change the world? I guess I need to go download that app.

5) Just a reminder that there are already some “small things” you can do to change the world listed in Spirit Moxie conversations. These are critical right now:

Vote
Love your body
Be willing to be wrong 

Thoughts on the above? What would you add? Together we can change the world. Really.

_____________________________________

Photos by Spirit Moxie – from the top:
Clouds and sun
Flower
Sip (French Bulldog) and Gabe (Newfoundland)
T-shirt in bar
Black eye selfie
First Pokemon attempt

Name (a verb)

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NametagsWhen I worked in New York a number of years ago, the staff where I worked decided I was important, competent, and interesting. To this day, Delta Airlines knows me as Dr. Sedgwick thanks to a secretary who wrangled my plane reservations. When I worked for a similar organization in another city, the identity I was given was, “Who are you? Prove you’re worthy to work with us.” Needless to say the first position was a lot easier and, actually, more effective for everyone involved.

Naming. How we see each other and verbalize the labels, the ideals, and the perceptions we have about those labels and ideals makes a difference. Perfectly competent adults visit parents and immediately become needy. It’s not just their falling back into codependency or old patterns. Their parents need to be needed. It’s their identity when they are around their children, and so everyone obliges. And we all know how people with serious issues like addictions behave and are wary when we’re around them.

Naming, in my experience, can be positive as well as negative and positive naming makes the world work better and is a lot more useful. It’s important to remember, however, that this isn’t magic, although sometimes it seems as if it is, and that naming doesn’t always work.

But it’s fun when it does. A couple of years ago, I was on my way to an unfamiliar Brooklyn street corner in the pouring rain, trying to figure out where I was supposed to meet my son. At night.

When I ducked under a bodega’s awning, a tall guy who I’m pretty sure (one learns these things) was going to ask me for money was already there. “I’m so wet,” I said. True. By the time we figured things out, he was 1) mad at how inconsiderate my son was and 2) offering to walk me the several blocks to my son’s apartment. Money was never mentioned, and when my son did show up, my new friend glared at him. We had named each other as peers.

Perhaps a more dramatic example involved my friend Valerie who taught third grade. Her classroom included many non-white students who had been “named” by their previous teachers as unteachable, slow, and/or stupid. These teachers promoted these students just to keep the system moving. Valerie saw, that is “named,” them as third graders, who could learn third grade material. As a result of her naming everyone in her classroom was reading at third grade level by the end of the year.

We do this with friends too, sometimes positively, sometimes negatively. We put each other in boxes. For example, we say so and so is always late. I’m usually pretty much on time (ask my friend Su), but my friend Marilyn has named me as always late. Even if I’m early she’s there first. It maintains her perception that she’s accurate and keeps her naming of me intact. I have friends who name me as intelligent and interesting. As adventurous. And as boring and antisocial.

So there are two parts to this:

1) How do we respond to how others name us?

2) How do we name others?

Awareness of how others name you is fascinating once you realize what’s going on. The positive part is usually energizing, although occasionally you may be named as someone you don’t want to be. For instance it may be positive to be perceived as intellectual, but sometimes it just feels like pressure. There are multiple people who name me as an excellent professional communicator (as in press releases and newsletters), even though I’ve never done that sort of work and don’t really want to.

Naming also has multiple sides. To be seen as friendly and fun may cause pressure when you really just want support. On the other hand that naming may help you generate enough energy to be friendly and fun despite your mood.

What do we do with negative naming? It’s often evident in bullying. Perhaps people use negative naming to increase their sense of self importance. Can we make it a game? (Just how early do I have to show up at my next “date” with Marilyn? Nope, that idea didn’t work!)

To not live into the negative part of naming is a challenge and sometimes not worth it. I quit the second job mentioned earlier. Oh, I learned a lot from it and could have probably set the right boundaries, now that I look back with 20/20 hindsight. I named those coworkers as gifted as well as highly respected and appreciated for their work and I’m pretty sure how I named them took before I left.

If you don’t like how you are named, it may be time to change friends—or jobs.

But it’s important to realize that naming isn’t usually instantaneous, or, as I said, magic. To decide that the kid on drugs is fine or that your mother will stop being needy is a bit more complicated than just deciding. Perhaps there is need for a serious intervention (or several), for the addicted kid. Perhaps the parent has to be told a thousand times that it’s not up to you. But naming always creates change.

Ultimately, however, what naming changes is yourself. In many fantasy books, among other sources, to name is to wield power. Certainly some of the power is over and for those named. But beyond this the naming is for ourselves. I can accept the good names and offer more positive names to others. The more I do this, the more the world will gradually change. So I’ll stay important, competent, and interesting. And intelligent and inspiring while I’m at it.

So, what about you?  Together, we’ll be more powerful and joyful and creative and alive.

Who do you need to name?

Who have you named?

How are you named?

______________________________

Photo:
Blurred nametags — Spirit Moxie

Dithering

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Finally, with the help of some friends I’ve never met and who I know only by their first names (or what they say are their first names), sent the Mariner in iPad with gameFarmVille 2 Country Escape away, having completed the quest. My score is still firmly in the middle in Gummy Drop!, which I keep playing because I do know the player ahead of me, even if I never see her these days—and because it is a puzzle. Both of these games are on my iPad. Because I’m currently computerless, two online friends are keeping Farm Town going on Facebook. (I met one of these friends once face to face although it is through the game we became friends.) And, there are 3 or 4 unknown people who clearly depend on me to play Pet Hotel on my phone. Plus certainly I need to play Sudoku, usually on the phone. Doesn’t that count as Alzheimer’s prevention?

book listI’m reading the most recent volume of J.A. Jance’s Beaumont mysteries having worked my way through the complete series. When I started writing this conversation there were six left! I have a very useful chronological list provided by a librarian without my even asking for it. I’m checking the books off as I go.

So, is this useful hibernating? Big time avoidance? Addiction? Pure laziness? Couldn’t I write more effectively about art or politics or give you another Dreams for the New Year update? Or is this a dreams update? To have my life boiled down to sitting on the floor with a cat next to me, “goofing off” on the iPad, interrupted by a walk to the mailbox. No, wait, I seem to keep forgetting to check the mail.

Of course, it isn’t always like this, but it seems as if it is more and more. Like most situations it becomes a question of whether am I learning anything during this period. Or, what am I avoiding? And [drum roll, please] where am I going? Plus, I realize I’m ignoring some core Spirit Moxie tenets.

First, I’ve forgotten that things should be easy. Even more basically, I’ve stopped continually claiming hope for my self and the world. Oh, I remember sometimes. But I’ve forgotten that it is in relaxing and play and just doing what’s in front of me that possibilities are created. My mentor Lissa Rankin talks about “the place between stories.” So, is this what it looks like to not  connect with my wine friends and to wonder when some lightning bolt will point to Seattle or Portland or some Cincinnati neighborhood to determine where I should live? Is it spending more money than I should for the first time in years without a back-up plan? Am I simply living in an “in between story,” whose significance will become clear later?

Or am I experiencing what Samantha Bennett calls a time of being fallow? In other words am I just allowing my life to be and rest in preparation for, well, whatever gets planted and grows? Spirit Moxie still feels like the right seeds. I know it’s a needed vision. But I’m not making the calls offering to do workshops, sending the emails asking others to write conversation posts, or seeking opportunities to speak. Why not, if it is so important? Where are my finished manuscripts? Or is it all just resting for a season.

Look! It’s raining! Isn’t it beautiful? There are new things to learn, which creates excuses for travel. I haven’t been in an airport for over a month. And I’ll probably go buy that computer I can’t afford. Perhaps sometimes dithering is what keeps us going.

black catIf ease is the answer and being present is the road map that I keep foisting on everyone else, what am I called to right now? First not to beat myself up about it. And next? Well, there’s one thing to be handled in Country Escape. I’m waiting for two phone calls and a text re finances and plans. The book has been read, along with two more in a different series, so those must be returned to the library. We’ll see if replacements show up. A cat is demanding to be petted. And apparently I’ve dithered long enough and so am finishing writing this.

Hey—there’s the doorbell…

Addendum: The doorbell announced the delivery of the needed computer. I’m headed to the airport again. And I have finished something and — you’re reading this!!!! So where are you? Dithering? Journeying? Somewhere in between?

___________________________

Photos by Spirit Moxie. From the top:
iPad with game
book list
Sheddy, the black cat who has claimed me as temporary companion

Perfect

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Peaches“Well they don’t want to come here. We’re not perfect.” If I hadn’t promised to be part of the committee, I’d have fled from the room. When did we become self-righteous about not being perfect? And what the heck is perfect anyway?

The people I was listening to were reveling in their imperfection, seemingly following clear instructions that one can never assume perfection. I think this mindset is related to Jesus’ challenge in Matthew 5:48, “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Not presuming to be perfect seems to be an inherent challenge whether you believe in Jesus or not.

Whatever your religious belief, I’d offer that Jesus, as distinct from his followers, usually gets things right. This saying comes after a passage on loving your enemies, which can actually be viewed as a way of avoiding having any. The “perfect” saying is then followed by a statement about hiding one’s piety.

So the sequence is 1) “love,” 2) “be perfect,” 3) “don’t brag.” [Yes, this is a huge oversimplification.] But, we don’t say love or bragging isn’t possible. So why do we get hung up on the impossibility of “perfect.” And what does “being perfect” mean?

I keep being reminded of the Pharisee saying, “God, I thank you that I am not like other people” (Luke 18:11). We’ve reversed that one since the Pharisee’s glad he’s righteous.

In other words, we’ve become proud that we’re not perfect. That we’re sinful. We connect with one another on how we get it wrong whether we’re religious or not. Claiming our sinfulness and imperfections (religious and secular) is the new self-righteousness.

I’d like to suggest we are wrong. We are wrong for not claiming we’re perfect right now. Believe for a second that Jesus is right. And that he challenges us with the possible rather than with some lofty ideal that should make us feel continually inadequate.

So. How is “your heavenly Father” perfect?

Well – God’s our creator. Creating, according to Madeline L’Engle, is one of the primary strengths we share with God. A more basic part is that while in the convoluted world of the traditional scriptures “He” is credited with all kinds of emotions, the bottom line, or perhaps more appropriately the opening line, is that creation is, simply, “good.” God doesn’t make junk (attributed to Ethel Waters).

So whatever your relationship is to a creator, just by existing we’re good, perfect right now. At this very moment we can’t be any other way than we are — for the simple reason we are what we are. We, you and I, are by definition perfect. Perfect is not some ideal of a 22-inch waist or of only having “good” thoughts. It isn’t a degree of holiness or likability. It isn’t even being kind or nonviolent. Perfect is simply an acknowledgement that right now, you are who and what you are and that right now, you can’t be any other way. Right now, typing this in a coffee shop in a strange city, I, Sally B. Sedgwick, am perfect. And so is everyone and everything around me.

If you don’t believe me, go out and look around. Pretend you’re watching a movie. Do you see how every character (person) you see is perfect for the scene you’re in? It can’t be any other way. Even the scenery and the weather are perfect. So, this means you are too.

Peach with blemishDoes claiming yourself as perfect mean you won’t/can’t change? Of course not! Look at a peach. It’s a little hard – a perfect not quite ripe peach. Then it gets a little softer. How perfect! Ooops! No one ate it. It’s a perfect peach showing how things decay, or maybe ready to be planted for new growth. Oh, all you have is the seed? Perfect.

Does claiming yourself as perfect mean things won’t happen that you wish wouldn’t or you won’t do things that you regret? No. But however these things play out, at this minute whatever is simply is. A perfect moment.

However much this may sound like word games, there is a point. One, seeing ourselves and the world as perfect is crucial to learning how to be present, which is the place where the magic of this being human business happens and can be seen. Two, it is also the place of all possibilities. In addition there is the simple amazement of, “so this is what perfect looks like. [Damn, yeah, shit, oh, sigh, yes….]”

Now is what we have. By claiming that now is perfect and that we are perfect, all the possibilities of creation unfold. Play with me! What do you see?

______________________

Photos of peaches – Spirit Moxie

Checking in

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Dear Spirit Moxie Friends –

Writing final post on this computerFollowing my update on Dreams, I’ll be offline for awhile. Am giving away my desktop computer and will be buying a laptop in the next couple of months. But meanwhile I’m not sure how easy it will be to update “The Conversation” with my phone and an iPad.

So if you’re on Facebook and haven’t liked the Spirit Moxie page please do it now! And remember, if you’re on Twitter or Instagram you can see updates there too. I even have a Spirit Moxie board on Pinterest. And of course you can always send me an email through the website contact page.

So stay in touch and I’ll post here again as soon as I can.

Thank you for your commitment to changing the world!

Sally B-

______________________________

Photo:
Final Conversation edit on the desktop computer – Spirit Moxie

Dream—an update

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There is a saying, “be careful what you wish for.” In early January, I challenged you to share your dreams for the new year instead of the usual resolutions or goals. And I said we would hold each other accountable.

My dreams were of “ongoing support” and “unexpected adventures,” with other words for the same things being “community” and “freedom,” respectively. I dutifully began looking for a plane ticket and talking about where I might move if I decided to do so. Meanwhile, because I had given up my car some time ago, I still had the adventures of riding the bus, dancing with time, and general exploration.

Laugh more; Have a regular income; Create a time dancing class; Figure out if I'm moving; Finish "tidying up"As part of the last, I started following Mike Dooley’s The Universe Talks “Infinite Possibilities Project,” a 30-day challenge that I wanted to witness because I thought something similar might be cool for Spirit Moxie sometime. So, although I had just committed in our last conversation to not having goals for the new year, I dutifully followed the day 1 instruction of the Infinite Possibilities Project to list at least 5 goals. These I dutifully posted on Instagram and they included such things as “laugh more” and “figure out if I’m moving.”

Then, just like in the best adventure stories, on the morning of January 12th, there was a knock on the door. I was handed a three-day eviction notice. My landlord had been foreclosed on and the apartment (which is a condo) sold. I actually knew earlier that it had been sold, but I blithely thought I could stay there until my lease ran out in late spring. “Oh,” the man delivering the notice said, “just call the lawyer listed to figure out what’s really going on.” So I did. “Oh,” they said, “that just means that after three days they’ll start real eviction proceedings.” What? The people managing my apartment checked with their lawyer. The documents I had received were legal, and my lease was not effective, as it was a contract with the previous owner. I called a friend who is a real estate lawyer. She made a couple of phone calls; all this was new to her, but yes, everything was legal.

OK, then. So, if this was opportunity rather than a crises, what next? I hate packing and moving: the process rather than being in a new space with new opportunities. And I have a lot of stuff. It allows me to entertain others, which I love. And the love includes cooking, a joy, and maybe my only craft. My stuff provides entertainment for me as well (did I mention books?) and is part of my personal history.

misty view from my windowBut I soon realized this same stuff was keeping me stuck and preventing me from those “unexpected adventures” I wanted. I could move across town one more time and seriously miss the incredible view that is literally one wall of my apartment. It’s always changing. I am looking at it now as I type, unexpectedly misted with February snow. White roofs. The river.

But what if by following adventure, I find that it really does seem right to live in Seattle? Or what if friends or family suddenly need support? What about a year in another country such as Thailand? And those are just random ideas that have come up in the past few weeks.

“Stuff,” however, makes all of this hard. My kids don’t want the dishes and don’t have room for more furniture. Plus, I learned when I was working in Chicago that if there is an Ikea anywhere near you, you can furnish a place for one to two thousand dollars. Cheaper than moving if you give up antiques and china!

IMG_3844Exploring options, I found an auctioneer who says he will take everything I want to get rid of. Today, one of his people came and packed all my glassware and china. Yesterday, I sent a chair that had been a wedding present to my ex-husband via our older son. And so on.

So, for those of you who know me, I should be out of the apartment sometime next week. And yes, I have somewhere to stay, one of several offers. I’ve been overwhelmed with love and support. So “ongoing support” – check. “Unexpected adventures” – check.

But what does this have to do with you? One person on Instagram said, “if you finish tidying up, do you want to come do mine too?” I don’t think my version would work for her or for very many people because these are my dreams and yours are, well, yours.

So if you dreamt of having more friends, how is that showing up for you? Did you talk about writing more? Well, are you? But a more crucial question is to look at what you dreamt and ask, “what is underneath?”  What do you receive if your dreams come true? Is it scary? Exciting? Peaceful?

Look around. Did you hear a knock on the door? Did you answer?

__________________________________
All photos by Spirit Moxie.

From the top:
“The” Instagram list
Apartment View (February 9, 2016)
Boxes of glassware and china

Dream

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An Invitation

Happy New Year street signAs I write this 2015 is coming to a close and a challenge is floating around social media to describe the year in one word. I’m inviting you to give 2015 its one word name and then play with me as we go into the newness of 2016. What word would you pick to describe your year of 2015?

For me, I’m claiming “confusing” as my one word for 2015. I’m sure the friend who shared this challenge with me (to come up with a one word description) wanted a loftier word, but for me “confusing” simply fits. In 2015, I spent more money than I probably should have (although I am always suspicious of the word “should”) on conferences and workshops searching for the key that might make Spirit Moxie financially viable while continuing to be challenging and visionary. In the ongoing conversation about what we should look like, I’ve gained 5 to10 pounds that taunt me when I pay attention, although somehow my clothes still fit and most of the time I feel I look OK. (We all might reread the Love Your Body conversation of a few months ago!)

The grand experiment of living without a car in Cincinnati has been pretty much a success, although I’m sure that some friends are hoping I come to my senses soon. With that, a magical relationship with time has expanded to where it just seems to swirl and support me rather than confine me to a linear existence. I’m also trying to commit more to recognizing magic, but I sometimes find myself discounting such occurrences as “only time supporting me again” when, for example, buses show up off schedule or a traffic jam on the way to the airport still results in time enough to chill before my flight (remember I love airports).

iWatch face with butterfllyNot willing to be consistent about things, while working without time, I am also the proud owner of one of the first iWatches, which is the first instance of my being an early adopter of an Apple product. And it’s the first watch I’ve ever consistently worn. I’ve worried about my kids and rejoiced in things they’ve done. There have been lovely dinners, and cooking is still a primary hobby. And the friends. New ones all over the world who cheer me on and laugh at my idiosyncrasies. And long time ones who support me quirks and all. Yes, it’s been a full and confusing year.

But as we come to the beginning of 2016, a new, clean slate of “what’s next” awaits. So how do we enter this new year? I gave up New Year’s resolutions a long time ago and suggest you do the same. Unless you know they’ll give you motivation, they are usually just something to give up by February. As an alternative, I set goals such as “write and share five poems.” Then a few months into the year, I reread my list. And then grade myself at the end of the year. If I remembered. Last year, I just listed some things: travel, Spirit Moxie, entertain. All of which happened, but didn’t, if you will, lead anywhere. Another reason for the description of “confusing” for 2015,

So, for 2016, I’m inviting you to something new. This year I’d like you to join me in dreaming. Yes. Dreaming. No, not fantasizing about winning the lottery or talking to George Clooney or meeting the mate of your dreams. The question is where is your heart calling you? Try it. What dream is behind the wishes and longings for, for instance, great wealth and hot romance? Are you willing to not know exactly how what you want will look like, as long as it gives you what you long for? Perhaps the true dream is to feel love and support in a new way or to re-experience romance. Or to absolutely realize that you feel financially free. Or to find yourself unexpectedly meeting people you couldn’t imagine meeting and the giddiness of those kinds of encounters.

DreamcatcherI dream of ongoing support and unexpected adventures. Yes, it would be nice if it included crossing Hawaii off the list of states I’ve never visited. It would be great to have some regular income and a new romance. And maybe rather than talking about writing a book, I will actually put that many words to paper (or pixels) to make it happen. But the dream behind those things is for freedom and community. So this year I will go where that pulls me and do what supports that dream. Is community for me connecting more closely with my current friends and neighbors or does it involve a new location? Is freedom more plane tickets or a new passion? Is it Spirit Moxie suddenly having thousands of followers or three conversations where someone really gets the possibility of changing the world and themselves? Can I figure out how to help others dance with time? No clue. Except for the clue that right now I am writing this and inviting you to check in with me as I follow my dreams.

This is only part of dreaming, but it is through dreaming that possibility becomes real. And knowing if we follow the clues our dreams will manifest in unexpected ways.

So share yours. Your word for 2015. Your dreams for 2016. And we’ll leave the 2015 word behind to follow where the 2016 dreams lead. And we’ll hold each other accountable.

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All photos by Spirit Moxie

From the top:
Street sign in Park Slope, Brooklyn
Face of iWatch
Dreamcatcher

Love Notes

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Wedding cake with goofy figures

In the last two months, two couples, four of my favorite people got married. So this post is for them–what I really want them to know. Maybe it’s for you, too!

Falling in love, being in love–it’s a magical, joy-filled, sometimes confusing state of being. But over time, I’ve learned, and am still learning, some things to help you claim and nurture this magic.

  1. You don’t need each other. While together there are fantastic possibilities, you are 100% perfect, awesome and wonderful all by yourself. Always. Remember that the words “I can’t live without you” are all about ownership and not about love. So claim yourself as fabulous (don’t argue, yes you are). And when two fabulous people, perfect in themselves, are together, can you even begin to fathom the possibilities???
  2. The only person you can change is yourself. I know change is possible, because I’ve changed. But again, remember you’re perfect the way you are too. If you weren’t you wouldn’t be the way your are. (Perhaps we need to discuss this further over coffee, a glass of wine, or a long walk?) Based on this, just realize that asking someone you love to “never change!” doesn’t work. Would you like to be married to someone in a wax museum?
  3. Honesty always works. It might feel uncomfortable sometimes. “I have absolutely no excuse for being late.” “You know that glass dish your mother gave us?” “I’m so tired I could scream and I don’t want to be touched.” “I love you.” “I feel jealous. Can you help me sort that one out?” And the little white lie you tell to make things easier that just smolders until it erupts. (While I’m not perfect on this one, the only excuse for white lies for me is when I’m planning a surprise party. There may not be any exceptions for you.)
  4. There is always another version of the story. And everything, except perhaps an immediate experience of danger or pain, is a story. It is one of the features of language. So if a situation is making you feel angry or ugly or not perfect or unloved, why are you holding onto it? If language, what we say about the past and future, created the problem, it can be changed. Emotions, feelings, reasons, are all words we’ve chosen to give power to. They can be changed. An easy example that isn’t yours might be, “He’s always looking at other women. He’s going to leave me and thinks I’m ugly.” The flip side of that story could be, “I have a guy who loves attractive women. How perfect that I’m the one he’s with.” (Maybe after that walk we need to keep talking over a good bourbon or a craft beer.)

What would you add? What have you learned? Love you.

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Photo credit:
Cake from Kunchik/Nienaber wedding — Laura Hoffman