Mattering

Book (Moxie Moves) and Bear on bedWhen I first had the, “I really need to publish a book, plus I am tired of no one really understanding Spirit Moxie” conversation with my self, I chose the working title, Mattering.  But I soon discovered that the problem with that title was that no one really understood what it meant. Mattering didn’t invite one to grab a copy off a bookshelf. 

So when I first tried to save a draft of this Conversation piece, I got the message, “An item with the same name “Mattering” already exists in the same folder. Do you want to replace it?” Ahhh. I’d forgotten my book’s working title. So now those initial files are safely in their own folder under the book’s final title Moxie Moves:10 easy ways to make a powerful difference.

Shirt reading you are exactly where you need to beToday it is “mattering” as its own topic that is haunting me. Spirit Moxie, which has become part of my identity, now has a life of its own. Most of its fairly original ideas, which were once a tad controversial, are now common place. I’m single and alone a good deal of the time. I was pretty tired when the feeling that “I don’t matter” hit me a few days ago. Even while I was tired, I could journal a bit. I remembered that my children can’t really imagine a world without me, that I have great friends who love me, and that there are at least one dog and one cat on this world who miss me terribly when I’m not around—or at least their behavior when I reappear is indicative of that. 

On a larger scale, why do we find claiming that we matter so difficult? Here in our Conversations and on our YouTube channel, I’ve repeatedly reminded all of us that we make a difference. But I’m betting that many readers put themselves aside as the one exception. Other people matter. But how could I?

As I write this, we’re approaching an election in the United States. Do you really believe it matters that you vote as we have claimed it does? And what was that about sleep which is one of the 10 ways to make a difference discussed in Moxie Moves? How could my sleeping, tired or not, change the world as a whole? Plus what about recycling? Does it really make a difference? Don’t they just throw everything away anyway? 

I’m writing this during a MeetUp hosted by my housemate. While no one cares, really, what I’m writing, it’s not mirroring the group’s official writing genre. Does it matter that I’m mainly here to support?

decorative shelfAnd so it goes. Who, me? Matter? Turn it around! In the upcoming election, it matters that there is a person I’d prefer have elected. A vote at the very least acknowledges that and affirms the importance of participating. Getting a good night’s sleep makes me more productive and a lot easier to be around as well as healthier. And, when I was working on the “Recycle” Conversation post linked here, I visited a recycling plant, so I have seen recycling work. Plus, here at the MeetUp, I just lent some paper to a guy who asked what we are doing and sat down to join us. The participant sitting next to me signed up for Spirit Moxie emails and voiced interest in “mattering” as a topic. So, I mattered to them, and they mattered to me. 

It works that way. One of my favorite social media hashtags is #makingadifference. Much of this is accomplished by claiming that you do, indeed, matter. If you can’t see it right now, take a breath. Look around – and at yourself. Yup. No one else sees or acts as you do. It is the claiming that is key.

Thank you for mattering.

____________________

Images from the top:
Bed, book, and bear — Spirit Moxie
Shirt – you  are where you need to be — Spirit Moxie
Shelves, MeetUp location, Bula Kava House — Noël Ponthieux

What We Can Do

Aside

What can we do?????

guys sitting on curb by grungy streetIf you feel uncertain about politics, violence, economics, the environment, or any other current issues, global and personal, you may also feel a tad helpless about “things.” Perhaps as a reader or follower of Spirit Moxie, you’ve forgotten that there really are little things we can do to change the world. Or maybe you’ve never really thought that little things might work to affect big issues.

But little things do make a difference. First consider energy. Yup. Consider how you’re feeling right now. Energy spreads. Think of anger and how it can morph into a riot. Well, it works the same way with peace and calm. Think of a meditative space such as a cathedral or even those quiet spaces in airports. You walk in and can feel your whole body relax because of the energy of others who are there or have been there. At a recent Corner of Calm, a half hour virtual event where we simply share calm, I talked about this. You can hear this reflection on YouTube. Perhaps monitoring or changing your emotions doesn’t come easily, but meditation, exercise, and multiple basic exercises can help. What energies do you want in your world? List them.

Moxie Moves on coffee tableThen go back to those little things we talk about in Spirit Moxie. If you have a copy of Moxie Moves: 10 easy ways to make a powerful difference, go look at that list. It really is a start! Below I reiterate the 10 easy ways—but in an order different from that in the book. (The number after a Move shows its order in the book. If there is a highlighted link, it goes to a Conversation post on the same topic.) 

Smiling (1.) at people and things is a way to positively change energy as we go about our day. Being grateful (2.) is another way to make it easier to have positive emotions. 

“You can’t change the world unless you are willing to engage with yourself as well as whatever is around you.”* Remember this engagement is all catching and a stronger you gives you more power. So, love your body (7.), whatever it looks like or feels like. We are bodies and yours is worth love and care. With this, remember the importance of sleep (3.) which actually affects those around you as well as yourself. There are other Spirit Moxie Conversations not in the book that relate, such as brushing your teeth and washing your hands, which we are constantly reminded are things that affect more than ourselves. There are two other chapters in the book that are more cerebral. Learn (5.) and play (10.).  These two activities keep our minds active and curious, informing both our being and our doing.

Hand inserting ballot in ballot boxThen there are the concrete actions that make a difference as we can we clearly see. An area without litter (4.) is healthier and safer as well as more attractive (back to emotions!).  Keeping your word (8.) presents a world that’s trustworthy. Plus lying has a negative effect on your body so it, too, circles back. Listening (6.) and really, really hearing what others are saying rather than plotting our witty responses, whether we agree with them or not, lays a needed foundation for a better world. Plus, it circles back to learning and, for me, being grateful. Finally, there is the one thing that I’m assuming is completely obvious. Vote (9.) In the chapter on this action there is one more suggestion. Vote for yourself. Everyday. As someone who  matters. Let’s start the Make a Difference party.

What you do matters.

_________________________

* Moxie Moves: 10 easy ways to make a powerful difference, p. 56

Images from the top:
Despondency    Jessica Watkins DeWinter
Moxie Moves on table  Mary Barr Rhodes
Voting  Spirit Moxie

You

Playful giraffe statue

When I really know something is true, whether about the world or even more about myself, I both assume it’s obvious and that it’s, well, true.

But as I think about sharing with you, I realize that’s not good enough. The heck with all snowflakes being different. People are too. Even those with the same DNA such as identical twins. This brings me back to our Conversation about being willing to be wrong. Being willing to be wrong about others.

So, who are you? What do you love? What do you know is true?

The question here is “Who are you?” The challenge of being unique is to understand your bits, and to not expect them to be true of anyone else. Beyond likes and dislikes, although they certainly count, how do you process information? How do you learn? What feeds you emotionally?

Have you done any of the personality tests such as Myers Briggs or the Enneagram? Much of their usefulness is to show how naturally different and unique we are. (I’m not sharing links because I am very suspicious of the online tests.) In Myers Briggs, I’m an INFP, but so close to an E that sometimes it switches. I’m a clear 9 on the Enneagram which explains a lot. In Quantum Human Design, I’m a Time Bender which in traditional Human Design is a Manifesting Generator. Now this might all sound like gibberish to you. I know the basics about Myers Briggs and a fair amount about the Enneagram. I know almost nothing about Human Design. 

Perhaps you pay attention to horoscopes which are yet another tool. I’m a Cancer which in traditional descriptions doesn’t fit me at all, although I’ve had some very insightful readings from people who truly use it. But I do know that all of these tools expound ways to show how varied, naturally varied, we all are and, for people who do know and use these tools, helps people accept and celebrate themselves and these differences. Do you use any of these? Others?

What prompted this Conversation post is my personal passion for hearing about your story, differences, and passions. These aspects of who we are are what drives us and the more we are clear, the more it is easy to interact with all the world and so “change it” and make a difference through the day to day seeds of healing we can plant.

For there’s some agreement the world needs healing. And most likely at some level you need healing too. So today’s challenge is simple. Celebrate you. Know that what is obvious and easy for you isn’t true for many others. Embrace that together we can make a difference. 

Thank you!

____________________________

Notes:

Photo: Attention getting giraffe — Spirit Moxie
Related reading (includes thoughts on violence): Who are You? 

Planting

flowering tree by a sidewalkDuring COVID, I wrote a Conversation piece around the importance of growing things called “Plant.” Planting – and seeing growing things – changes us and the world. This Spring, the trees and flowers have particularly enthralled me, perhaps because I’ve been walking more, as I’ve watched the world – or so it seems – bud and bloom. Breathtaking. 

Plus, during the winter someone gave me cuttings for four houseplants so I’m now, again, a proud plant owner.

But along with the natural world, I’ve recently been reminded of what we plant in each other. This can be negative and positive. 

Hinted at in the Conversation “Be Litter Free*” in the book Moxie Moves, is the negative energy we sometimes inflict on those around us. False ideas. Misplaced anger. Helpful suggestions that aren’t terribly helpful. Like the piece of paper that falls out of your pocket, some of this might be inevitable and is certainly unintentional. But recognizing this as, if you will, a way we plant weeds in our world is useful. Weeds, by definition, are what is growing where we don’t want them to be.

However, focusing on the positive things we might plant can mitigate some of this. For it is our positive plantings that do change the world. Kind of like the marigolds you plant with your vegetables to attract bees and, so we’re told, deter many pests. Plus, while they won’t keep the deer away, marigolds are at least one flower the deer won’t eat, so that flower bed can indeed boast flowers! What might you do that is a positive planting?

hand dropping ballot in ballot boxMany are on our basic “little things that can change the world” list. Smile.* Listen.* Vote.* Keep your word.* Or are more provocative like “be kind to animals” and “don’t kill.”  For today, what are the simple seeds you can plant? A sincere compliment, maybe to the grocery store checker or the person ahead of you in line? Grinning at the little kid who is looking at you when their mom isn’t noticing? Being honest when asked a question. (Lying hurts the person to whom you’re responding, but also hurts you physically as well as mentally. Really.)  

You get the idea. What have been your favorite Spirit Moxie Conversation posts? What would you add?

Besides, the little things, there are also the fairly big things we plant in the world. For some it has been a new business that has affected their community, country, and planet. Perhaps it is an idea tentatively shared or a new insight. It’s existing things like libraries. I’m working in one right now which is offering free internet access to multiple patrons or, for me, good wifi in a place free of the distractions of home where I can also find a recommended book to take home to read after dinner. Our highway network. Electricity. The Internet. 

4 small pots with plantsPart of your job might be the dreaming that creates these — but it is certainly gratitude for them which helps give them power. 

So, plant. My new housemate moved in with an almost full bag of potting soil, so now my cuttings have graduated from glass jars to real pots. I’ve been trying to share more of my ideas, most recently around “doing without doing” (or “how to be lazy”) which might not change the world, but might change someone. Plus, I am writing to you.

Share – how and where are you planting?

________________________________

All images by Spirit Moxie. From the top

Spring trees
Voting in Oregon
New houseplants

*In Moxie Moves: 10 ways to make a powerful difference (Amazon link)

The Challenge of Story

Five star library sign; bookshelvesAlmost everyone loves a good story, whether a formal tale or that anecdote about the guy in the supermarket. It’s one reason gossip is fuel for so many and, I’m guessing, is also the basis for serious insights revealed in therapy. 

One version of story — I might argue the most pervasive version — is what our minds “say” about feelings and events. It may indeed be raining. Someone hit you. Joe actually said those words. I might like rain, see the blow as a playful punch, and know Joe was teasing. However, you might experience rain as depressing, be scared of such violent action, and feel violated by Joe’s words. When one starts identifying our interpretations as story, it can be very freeing even when the interpretation is negative. And when we start looking at being powerful in the world, truly wanting to contribute to positive change, just beginning to see this is important.

However, there are other sides of story. There are the ones we hear and read. But today the sides I’m fascinated with are the ones that explain how we’ve evolved and are evolving into our best selves. This is the part of you that, perhaps, loves animals, understands music, and smiles at strangers. The part of you that yearns to change the world, that wants to make a powerful difference, has also been formed by story. 

Because often our default in stories about ourselves is negative, and we usually tell those stories to share our vulnerability, I dare you to look deeper. Other stories are there.

shadow of figure on sidewalkI got to this point by realizing I’m sometimes impatient when people see situations as hard (yes, I know I don’t know all of the details). And I realized why.  One day I was simply walking down the street by the main branch of the Cincinnati public library (officially the Cincinnati and Hamilton County Public Library), headed to meet my son for dinner. Suddenly I fell down. I didn’t trip. I didn’t pass out. My shoes were tied. There wasn’t a bump. I just fell. Flat on my face.  Well, at least I turned my head. After I convinced the 20-year-olds passing by that they didn’t need to call 911 and was given some Kleenex by one of them, I proceeded on, got some ice for my head from the restaurant’s bartender, and had dinner. Two days later I finally went to my doctor who diagnosed a mild concussion. And the remedy for a mild concussion is low light and no activity. 

So, I thought, in the best new age manner, “What is my body trying to tell me?” Clearly, since my body simply fell, it was trying to get my attention about something. As I lay there in the low light, I realized it seemed to be calling me to be simply present. It was saying that planning and forced acting wasn’t me. And for a year, I easily lived in that space.

But at the end of the year I was diagnosed with an odd kind of leukemia. Clearly, in this story of listening to my body, my body was actually shouting. This time the attention getting involved three weeks in the hospital, first with chemo, second through a process of resetting my white blood count, and finally the diagnosis and treatment for a nasty MERSA infection. Apparently, being present was still too active. I was called just to be.

Personally, I love this story. Mainly because it works. People talk about internal mind chatter (yes, I do still have some), how hard it is to live in “now,” and being overwhelmed with day-to-day demands. Apparently, almost dying (as my doctor once impatiently reminded me) can make just being almost always easy. Note that through just being, multiple things happened, or got done if you prefer, such as publishing two books* and moving across the country.

Green rock with "Believe in Yourself" on itThis, too, is a story. Somewhere there is a story that works for  you. Perhaps it’s about learning how to love. Or what happened when your kids finally realized they didn’t know everything. Maybe it has something to do with seeing, really seeing, that you’re good at skiing or gardening or playing the Legend of Zelda. Or whatever you like to do.

You may learn that you can relax enough to begin a story where you, too, find the advantages of presence, being, and ease.

Play with it. It’s time to give your positive stories space and love. I dare you to share!

___________________________
All photos by Spirit Moxie – from the top:

Main branch of the Cincinnati Library – 2019
B’s shadow on sidewalk
Rock – “Believe in Yourself” (Don’t really know the source of this photo, do you?)

*Books: Moxie Moves: 10 easy ways to make a powerful difference
Talking to Trees through poetry and pictures

Welcome 2024

Remember who you are. 

upside down one way signThis year I struggled with a post about the new year, which is why this post is early in the year, but not at the very beginning. I reread all the former end of/beginning of year Spirit Moxie Conversations. (I suggest the core 1916 post “Dream” and last year’s “Foundations.”) I wrote a lot of rough drafts about “unease,” which is hardly the most positive word for 2023. Plus, it wasn’t entirely true. Then, on a New Year’s Eve flight to visit my son and his family, I understood. Besides wondering why travel always freed me, I realized I’d stopped claiming who I am at my core. And that was the source of the unease I felt.

Have you forgotten who you are? Has the chatter in your head become so loud that you’ve also forgotten your beauty, resilience, and general fabulousness, which, by the way, are three things I know are true about you? 

The first clue I had that I’d forgotten was my reaction to a challenge from Amanda Fuel as part of a finance game in which I’m participating. What percentage of my life is determined and guided by me and what percentage is guided or manifested by the magic of the Universe/God/Chance (choose your phrase)? She was working on a 55%/45% relationship for herself. I’ve heard 10%/90% as well and vice versa. If you find these percentages useful, play with them. How much of the determining factors do you bring and how much do you want to happen to you through forces outside of you?

Thinking about this, I realized that what meant the most to me wasn’t percentages, but recognizing that there is a partnership between the two. Somehow, for me, that partnership had been shaken and become unstable. While I have had dreams and goals, somehow they had become just words I’d written. In other words, to be effective, I needed to actively remember who I was and who I am so the Universe (or whomever) could do its magic.

clouds from plane windowThe second piece to help you remember: I kind of dare you to try. It is an exercise I love that apparently pushes people’s buttons. Ask someone — using these exact words — “Tell me how I’m fabulous.” You can ask me that question when you see me in person. Or, send me a private message. There’s two parts to this apparently very vulnerable question: 1) You learn things about yourself you’ve never noticed before and  2) It’s a gift to the person being asked. To look at you that way and share is exciting, interesting, and bonding for the person responding. We love the challenge to ourselves to look at you this way. Plus, we’ve  been wanting you to know! So my request to ask me is pretty much all self-interest!*

Who you are at your core is what to bring into 2024. Your own greatness. Your job, if you will, is to remember that that greatness is  there. Yes, include those dreams. Use the word “goals” if you prefer. It’s fun if some of them are huge and some are tiny. Share those too.

The world needs you exactly as you are right now. Yes, you’ll change. But breathe into now, the you of early 2024.  And, in the next step you take, breath into that you too.

Thank you!

_______________________________________

*I I know I got this exercise from someone else, but haven’t been able to find it again.

All images by Spirit Moxie:
Upside down sign: Is this how the end of the year felt?
View on the New Year’s Eve flight

The Problem of Change

Butterfly on leafSpirit Moxie is now 10 years old, and many of the ideas we introduced in 2013 have become commonplace. Our central concept focuses on the power of positive change, but when we look around, it feels as if, rather than becoming more positive, the world has become darker: politics uglier, the environment more fragile, people less connected, and information and news increasingly unreliable. We have the tools to correct this. There are actions and mindsets to help prevent these problems! So why do they still exist?

First of all, even though we cheer the idea of change, we are programmed to resist it. Perhaps it’s stating the obvious, but our brains are wired for survival. However “wrong” or uncomfortable conditions are, if we didn’t die during any of what has happened or through our personal actions or experiences, our brain view the status quo safe. Note: you didn’t die. I know this because you’re reading this. So while this may sound simplistic, even though change might sound good, we naturally resist it. 

Quite apart from what we consider positive action, this orientation shows up in everything from not brushing our teeth as often as we should to forgetting to put on our seatbelt to not using the gym. Often it isn’t a case of will power or remembering, but just a result of our having done just fine in the past. Why risk something different?

An extension of this reason to resist change is that change can be threatening. Change, by definition, means that things will be different. It takes us to unknown places. 

What’s interesting is that we seldom consciously see any of this. Let’s consider a few more of our default places when our actions and possible change collide. First we really like ease. There are different versions of ease for different people, but if rinsing out the bottle so it can be safely recycled  isn’t your norm, it is much easier to just throw the bottle in the trash. For some people. it is easier to drop something onto the ground than to walk two feet to the trash can. We might deplore waste yet never bring our own reusable bags to the store. I’m pretty sure most of these are United States examples, but these instances of ease involve anything that you’ve always done.Why should you change? It’s more comfortable to keep doing what you always have done? What examples can you see others doing? We usually don’t see them when we do them ourselves. 

The flip side of this is that many of us are programmed to think that something can’t be effective unless it is difficult. Spirit Moxie talks about doing “little things to change the world.” What’s dramatic or sexy about those as actions? Many of us figure that unless we’re curing world hunger, negotiating for peace, and evening out the economy on a national level, it isn’t worth talking about. If getting up at 5 am to get more done is a sign of being pro active, a little thing called “sleep*,” which we say here is one of the things that changes the world, can be completely discounted.  This might be a bit of hyperbole, but for example, while I celebrate (in my mind) every time a server in a restaurant doesn’t give me a straw, my son rolls his eyes and discounts it. Why should something that little matter?

Something else that almost certainly hinders change is our excessive attention to what isn’t working. One of the best and most insidious example is our constant preoccupation with the media. There’s an apparently common belief that binge watching the news makes us accountable. I’m not talking about being informed. But hours of casual attention gives energy to much we don’t want to fuel. Balance this. When the media hungry are not being fed (watched and interacted with), it is increasing hard to justify the expense of giving them free publicity. Plus for many people, whether within the news, the neighborhood, the environment, or their friends and family, whatever isn’t working is their preferred topic of conversation. Why Joe and Mary are having a hard time because Sue is into drugs is seen as much more intense and interesting than that Sam got a Fulbright. Lamenting political options is more important than really engaging in helpful responses to issues. Etc.

Finally, when we know something is true, we don’t question it. Usually we can’t even see an alternative. But if in fact, a contrasting fact or varying viewpoint is even hinted about, and we do hear it, we certainly don’t weigh it and are often offended that anyone could be that blind, inconsiderate, stupid, or, to be honest, wrong. This eliminates positive change by default. We extend this to how we evaluate change. At some level, we could very easily be using artificial markers or evaluating their implications incorrectly. Is 20 people at the bus stop with bags of food from the Saturday free food program hosted near my house a sign of poverty, of the need for redistribution of resources, of people taking advantage of others, or of hope for better nutrition in the city? If one of those is your truth, that is what you see. If all those are new, you probably thought “of course.” And you almost certainly can come up with others I haven’t considered. A final part of this is to remember that, with the internet, falsehoods enter this mix and are received as unquestioned truth almost instantly.

So we’re wired for the security of our history, for perceived safety, for ease and the validation of hard work, and by our personal understanding of things, however we came by them. When positive change is happening, both globally and even personally, we quite possibly may simply not notice.

For Spirit Moxie, the force that makes positive change possible is an understanding of chaos. Remember that whenever you dare do a little thing to change the world, and others do too, you begin creating conditions where larger, almost certainly unexpected, change becomes possible. So reread where we began. 

Meanwhile hold, however lightly, that perhaps there is positive energy. That change is possible. And that you make a difference!

___________________________

Butterfly – picture by Spirit Moxie (or at least it was in our photos!)

*”Sleep” is included in Moxie Moves:10 easy ways to make a powerful difference – (Cincinnati: Spirit Moxie, 2019) -Amazon link

Spirit

“So, what do you mean when you say, ‘spirit’?” I’d come late to a MeetUp and, having grabbed a drink, unexpectedly found myself in an in-depth conversation about Spirit Moxie. I get asked about “moxie” all the time, but for me, in this religiously neutral crowd, this was a first. Not sure what I answered, but now realize truly answering feels important.

Sunset with trees“Spirit,” for me, is multi-faceted and ranges from the energy at a football game to serious conversations on theology. But perhaps the most basic place for the word and idea comes from the way people describe being human as “body, mind, and spirit.” Do you say this? If so, what does it mean to you? When one simply looks up the definition of “spirit,” or, to be precise, looks it up in the dictionary on my phone, the very first definition is “the principle of conscious life; the vital principle in humans, animating the body or mediating between body and soul.” Hmmm. So, in some way, our spirit is what makes us conscious of our humanity and of our existence. 

On a theological note, you have probably heard of the Trinity as a way of describing God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Books have been written about this and debates have raged largely resulting in all kind of confusion. 

Rocks, sky, scrub treeWhat I want to suggest here is a perspective I’m pretty sure I didn’t come up with on my own, but I can’t trace it to a source. Simply put, how humans talk about God and the energy that image embodies changes about every 2,000 years. We have the time of the Old Testament or BCE (Before the Common Era) which describes god in a fairly hierarchical way (the Father). Then comes the more personal connection personified in the figure of Jesus that has affected a good portion of the world, whatever your religious beliefs are, during the past 2,000 years or so. It is reflected in Western calendar dating and has been the root cause of  multiple wars and atrocities. This pattern now has us entering a new 2000 years as the time of the Spirit. Because all transitions are gradual  (and often violent) you can see this in things such as “The Age of Aquarius,” which gained popularity through the musical Hair in the 1960s (although what is really trippy is that we are apparently entering that age now if you believe Google and Wikipedia). 

Sunset, winter skyWe can see truth in this idea of our being in a time of the Spirit as we listen to some of the current spiritually based (there’s that darn word “spirit’ again) coaches and writers. One example is Martha Beck’s work, particularly in her novel Diana, Herself and in her training of “Wayfarers,” i.e., people seeking to navigate wild times with their own wild self and who feel a call to serve others in their confusion and fear. We see this in the work of Eckhart Tolle as he talks about being present and alive. And we see this in how people are connecting around conversations about shared energy, making a difference, and claiming hope despite environmental and political stresses. When you are with a thoughtful group of people, listen to the conversations related to personal growth or other kinds of energy. They are glimpses of the Spirit at work.

We see this movement in Spirit Moxie as we continue, since 2013, to  claim hope, embrace what we value as ourselves, and explore how this celebrates the connections among us. 

Confused? Most of what you see depends on what you are looking for. So where might you see Spirit, however defined, working now?

___________________________
All photos by Teresa O’Bryant
From the top:
Sunset
Wolf Creek Valley Overlook
Winter Sky

Foundations

Welcome to 2023!

Those who have read my previous posts for a new year have been invited to dream, choose a word or phrase to guide us, and otherwise embrace the year we’re entering (even 2021 with all its uncertainty). I still believe that all these activities are useful, empowering, and, often, engaging. But now that this new year has begun, let’s pause once more and claim the best for it slightly differently.

This year, I sense that there is more power in beginning with a three-part template. First, truly claim the power of gratitude. Second, dare to stand firmly as who you are rather than in some idealistic version you’ll magically become by next December. Finally, yes, restate and re-envision your dreams — and connect them to gratitude.

Picture of puzzleOK, but how does this really work in practice? Begin with, “What am I grateful for that occurred in 2022?.” What brought delight? Did you catch glimpses of joy? Then share those experiences! If you’re stuck, just naming that you made it to a new year is a great beginning. I’ve met new friends. I am actually cooking again fairly regularly. A health scare was easily resolved thanks to my community and great doctors. And I could go on: the demand that Corner of Calm continue; finishing a puzzle before I left from my Christmas visit to family. 

You may have had some terrible, terrible things happen during the past year. Acknowledge that. Then look for tiny things to give thanks for if you can’t find big ones. This isn’t a Pollyanna-ish exercise. Set a timer for five minutes, get as still as you can, and write down whatever gratitude you see. Share one or two in the comments (sharing gives gratitude power). Post on Facebook. Send me an email. Knowing there was good in 2022, however hard or easy it is to find it, lays a base. It’s the difference between, “Prove yourself stupid time marker!” vs “I can see glimpses of what can be good in a year! Interesting.” 

The second piece of our New Year’s claiming is you. Yes, You! One of the phrases I heard a lot last year was the deceptively simple statement, “You are enough.” If you really want to mess with what we believe, we can add in my claim that you’re perfect. What? I know both of those statements anger our critical minds, but reread what I wrote about “perfect” before you get all defensive. Neither of these statements means we can’t and won’t change. What happens is that we become even more who we are. I really do know you are awesome and it is crucial to a wonderful new year that you see it, too.

Dog on lapHere are a couple of exercises that can help. For me they involve writing, but a conversation with a really good friend or an activity that involves some other means of expression (drawing? making up a song? going on a thoughtful walk?) works, too. Name 5 to 10 of your gifts. I would guess that a couple of them even got stronger last year. I, for example, have bonded more with animals. None of these gifts have to be huge (although I would bet some are). “Calm during COVID” is still one of mine. If you really can’t think of anything, it might be useful to start keeping a list of compliments. I’m not sure from whom I got that exercise, but I have a place to write down “chill” when that was applied to me. Just the word. Some of you may have more physical things to name as gifts, although I would hope most of those (“my business took off”) were in your gratitude list. 

It is from this place of naming who you are, even if others don’t always see it, that we bring strength to the third part. Dream and vision. Plan if you must (as someone not linear, I truly forget that often you are), but don’t set those plans in stone. What we want are destinations and some eagerness to take steps towards them. But it isn’t the steps we are naming here. It isn’t “I’m losing weight.” Or even a particular weight number. But to be able to say, “I’m truly happy with my body.” Not, “I’ll be debt free,” but “I live in true abundance.” Not even, “I want better experiences,’ but “I know delight.” Name the end, not the means. As Mike Dooley says, you set your GPS and then move. If we head the wrong way with a GPS, we are redirected. 

Finally, as part of this visioning, give thanks for your dreams right now. I give thanks for my body. I delight in what I have and do. I know joy. Fuel. A stillness and foundation full of momentum. Paradox. 

Gruet champagne bottleI’m not sure what images work for you as you enter this new year, but I know that you can only embrace them as yourself. And yourself is fabulous. Right now. I see that. Plus, remember that the groundwork from last year supports the vision for this one.

I toasted my new year with champagne bubbles and, today, I might do it again with herb tea. You?

  Welcome to 2023!

 

___________________________
All photos by Spirit Moxie. From the top:

Puzzle finished over Christmas
Dog on my lap
New Year’s bubbles

Masquerade

praying mantis

One of my favorite things is seeing something and am I’m certain I know what it is, but then having it turn out to be something completely different than what I thought. The insect that looks like a leaf is the classic. Or the leaf that looks like almost anything else: a small animal; a dog turd; a hole. Recently I saw a rock that looked like a hiding cat (actually frustrating because I was looking for the cat), a bird that looked like a valve on a pipe (or maybe vice versa), and a leaf that looked like a piece of food thrown on the ground. 

Plus all this occurred at the time of year when people dress up. Usually “masquerade” is associated with Mardi Gras, but isn’t that also what we do for Halloween? Or in those Santa Claus beer crawls? You get to be that zombie fairy vampire* or the Ninja representative of death or a random dude in need of a costume. For weeks online and in random bars, you hear, “What are you going to be?” Parents ask their children. Adults ask their friends. 

When I was juggling parenting, working, and other roles that came with “being human” in my 20s, I talked about “playing.” So, at the teacher/parent meeting, I’d play parent. At a spouse’s work event, I’d play spouse, etc. It didn’t mean, as members of a counseling group I attended thought, that I wasn’t always a mom and a spouse. It just meant, to me at the time, that I put on that role in a deliberate way for the occasion. My counseling buddies would have not have appreciated the fact that the word “person” comes from a Latin word that includes “mask” in its definition. Masks are integral who we are.

adult and child in costume

But what does this have to do with being present or changing the world, which I think are the two main reasons you’re reading this? That and curiosity. The point I’m emphasizing here is that you can’t truly masquerade as someone else unless you know who you really are. I’m sharing a Halloween picture of me last year with my granddaughter. I wanted to go trick or treating with her and family norms demanded a costume. I did not want to spend a lot on a costume, so, as shown in this picture, I’m a rumpled man (never could get a great name for the costume), who knows she’s a grandparent, cheapskate, parent (my son was along too), and tourist (in a new part, for me, of San Francisco). I was a lot of other things too. A user of public transit by choice and not default. Present to the energy and moods of an eight-year-old. Not interested in candy much personally. Grateful when people appreciated that I too was in costume. Amenable to any plans. Maybe these are surface traits, but my awareness of them allowed the afternoon/early evening to unfold smoothly and enjoyably. 

One of the best challenges I’ve read recently is to list what you’re good at. Not what needs to be fixed. So what are those traits? Do you use them, in a positive way, as masks integral to you as a person or do you hide those traits or lurk behind them?

Who are you? What do you love about yourself? And what masks do you put on  —  physically, mentally, or emotionally just for fun? Do these masks add or expand that self? Claim and play!

__________________________________

From the top:

Praying Mantis — Sid Mosdell

*Street Poem that helped inspire this post by Sam Bones/streetpoetsam of Inspired Type

street poem

Zombie Fairies

They are very friendly, actually
Flitting here and there
From tree to tree and flower to flower
And they are especially attracted
to little girls in pink that play piano

They don’t leave a trail of blood, tho’
The only way you know you’re bitten
Is by the trail of glitter on the side of your neck.
(see image for proper formatting)

Trick or Treaters — Spirit Moxie