In the last two months, two couples, four of my favorite people got married. So this post is for them–what I really want them to know. Maybe it’s for you, too!

Falling in love, being in love–it’s a magical, joy-filled, sometimes confusing state of being. But over time, I’ve learned, and am still learning, some things to help you claim and nurture this magic.

1. You don’t need each other. While together there are fantastic possibilities, you are 100% perfect, awesome and wonderful all by yourself. Always. Remember that the words “I can’t live without you” are all about ownership and not about love. So claim yourself as fabulous (don’t argue, yes you are). And when two fabulous people, perfect in themselves, are together, can you even begin to fathom the possibilities???
2. The only person you can change is yourself. I know change is possible, because I’ve changed. But again, remember you’re perfect the way you are too. If you weren’t you wouldn’t be the way your are. (Perhaps we need to discuss this further over coffee, a glass of wine, or a long walk?) Based on this, just realize that asking someone you love to “never change!” doesn’t work. Would you like to be married to someone in a wax museum?
3. Honesty always works. It might feel uncomfortable sometimes. “I have absolutely no excuse for being late.” “You know that glass dish your mother gave us?” “I’m so tired I could scream and I don’t want to be touched.” “I love you.” “I feel jealous. Can you help me sort that one out?” And the little white lie you tell to make things easier that just smolders until it erupts. (While I’m not perfect on this one, the only excuse for white lies for me is when I’m planning a surprise party. There may not be any exceptions for you.)
4. There is always another version of the story. And everything, except perhaps an immediate experience of danger or pain, is a story. It is one of the features of language. So if a situation is making you feel angry or ugly or not perfect or unloved, why are you holding onto it? If language, what we say about the past and future, created the problem, it can be changed. Emotions, feelings, reasons, are all words we’ve chosen to give power to. They can be changed. An easy example that isn’t yours might be, “He’s always looking at other women. He’s going to leave me and thinks I’m ugly.” The flip side of that story could be, “I have a guy who loves attractive women. How perfect that I’m the one he’s with.” (Maybe after that walk we need to keep talking over a good bourbon or a craft beer.)

What would you add? What have you learned? Love you.

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Photo credit:
Cake from Kunchik/Nienaber wedding — Laura Hoffman