Don’t Take Things Personally

Posted on February 4, 2022 by B

Of all the little things that can change you and the world, this might indeed be number one. Personal here seems to almost always mean criticism, although when we’re lucky, it is instead validation. Either way, taking words and actions personally gets entwined in our thoughts and emotions.

It’s all very well to be told not to take things personally, but we’re completely wired to do just that. After all, to relate everything to ourselves is one of the keys to surviving. I, myself, am prone to seek approval about how I look and what I do and to think that such approval is essential to my well being. Perhaps it is. But when we look at this “don’t take things personally” statement, which I hear from many people I consider wise, I need to wonder whether I’m wrong. In other word, maybe other people’s reactions to me aren’t the best way to be validated.

Really, Sedgwick? How can this be true?

Let’s look at some big picture examples of people’s reactions to comments and actions. Often (I’m willing to allow it isn’t 100% true) when we personally react negatively to someone, that reaction is be a reflection of something we don’t like about ourselves. If I’m honest, there is always something, maybe a fear, that somehow I might do whatever that negative thing is. I might look frumpy, be inconsiderate, overreact, or ruin something for someone else, too. So doesn’t it follow that other’s reactions to us can be in some way a reflection of themselves? That means that what they say is really about them.

Of course our reaction to others does affect them, and their reactions affect us. We really are energetically wired to one another whether we want to be or not. This is basic brain science. Our brains are wired to keep us safe. How others react to us and to their environment affects our own area of safety.* So how can those interactions not be personal?

So, what’s going on when I tell strangers that I like their hair? Is their reaction about me or a reflection of them? Perhaps the person I’ve complimented just looks at me as if I have two heads. Or ignores me. Perhaps they smile. Their reaction isn’t the point. The point is, for our purposes here, that I noticed and liked something much more than how they received my compliment. The point is that I remembered to share something I appreciated with someone else. And so, when I get a compliment about me, that compliment is really about them, which doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it. Their words just aren’t, when I really pay attention, essential to my happiness or self image.

On the other side, what if I’m told by someone to keep my voice down? Am I too loud? The most useful response is that their comment is simply information. I can take their words as criticism and beat myself up about them, which doesn’t help anyone, or I can hear their words as simply something I need to pay attention to. Or not. Maybe I decide loud is appropriate right then. Their words are their reaction, not my action.

If you don’t like my shirt and I do or you don’t understand my writing and someone else loves it or no one loves it, but what I write makes sense to me, is that negative response criticism? Is the critique about me? Well, if I’m trying to communicate, their words are probably useful information. But words don’t have a value judgement component unless I give that value to them.

The truth is that people don’t think about us. Really. Or if they do think about us, their thoughts bolster their standards of how the world should show up; their expectations of how we should act and what we should look like. Again, look at your own obsessions about others actions or appearance.

I’m a mom who gets into critical mode about those I love. But really, all I can do is love them. Any change will or won’t happen through them. All I can do is be me. I can donate or volunteer for a cause, but the impact of those actions is nothing I can control. As I said yesterday (really), “I’ve learned the only person I can change is myself.” I can feel reassured that change is possible because I have changed. I’ve read my old journals, which is a little mind blowing, and, in my mind, proves that it must be possible for others to change as well. But change is in the other person’s court, so to speak. It won’t occur because of anything I do or say.

Two quotations that challenged me on this topic are:

“The way that other people judge me is none of my business.” – Martha Beck

“It’s not your job to like me, it’s mine.” – Byron Katie

A Google search on this idea provides books and multiple quotations, so I’m not sure where it originated, but if I’m honest, “what others think of me is none of my business” is freeing. Maybe frustrating. Certainly challenging. A work in progress.

So, play with not taking things personally. Can you see it as a little way to change the world? Can you explore it as a big way to change yours?

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Notes: *7 1/2 Lessons About the Brain by Lisa Feldman Barrett

Images from the top:
Cartoon from For Redemption Press One… by Bill Martin (Cincinnati: Forward Movement) – out of print
40 years of B’s Journals (some missing?) – Spirit Moxie
Quotation from Big Magic: creative living beyond fear by Elizabeth Gilbert

(All book links are Spirit Moxie’s links to Amazon . They don’t affect the cost of the books)

Moving into 2022

Posted on January 2, 2022 by B

When you realize 2022 is pronounced 2020, too.

After the drama, isolation, and challenges of 2021, I am seeing a lot of cartoons and memes questioning whether a new year is welcome or not. The year 2020 collapsed around us and, when we looked forward to 2021, the New Year didn’t embrace us with a clean slate, but rather held us in unease, isolation, and, for many, illness. When light finally flickered in the distance, it was inconsistent. And it still is.

But we will flip our calendars, and they will say “2022.” How do we step, or tip-toe, into the new year in a way that supports how we want to be and what we dream of doing? A new year is always a bit uncertain, but 2022 seems to be asserting that one can’t actually know anything.

Is this really true? As some of you are beginning to appreciate, I am currently called to a place of “just being” and “not doing.” This is perhaps not the best place from which to offer unsought advice about planning — although it does allow for dreaming. Indeed, in other years, my suggestion on entering the new year has been to name one’s dreams.

I’m still sure that resolutions are a recipe for New Year’s failure. As I sit here I find myself trying to remember what I really wanted for 2021 as I watch others explore their hopes for 2022.

So I just reread my introduction to 2021. There it is. My underlying place, dream, or feeling was for “expansiveness,” which sounds appropriately vague. However, in looking back through my posts my place of not doing, but rather simply being, has allowed my 2016 dream of moving to the West Coast to dramatically materialize. Plus, at least intellectually, the move relates to the yearning I wrote about in that 2021 introduction for Spirit Moxie to expand its influence. How will this continue to unfold? I don’t know yet.

For 2022, I have been honored to watch my friend Cindy wrestle with her plan for the new year. Unlike me, but perhaps like you, she likes lists, but knows if she is too specific in her list of goals they will run her rather than support her. Plus she has reminded me about claiming a word for the New Year. In 2016, I offered “dream” as a word – and while the dream’s mentioned didn’t all happen in that year, they pretty much have all happened since then. Cindy’s word for 2021 was “patience,” perhaps essential for many as we addressed or didn’t address COVID. For 2022, she is considering “balance” as her word. As an all or nothing kind of person, balance, for her sounds challenging, comforting, and supportive.

I’ve been living with the word “dream” for a long time. But this year, having given up concrete goals, my word is “curious.” I’m curious about how things are for you, what my new life will look like, what’s next for Sprit Moxie. I’m curious about my next breathe. I’m sprinkling this curiosity with “joy” and “delight,” words which offer me comfort and challenge as I continue to claim gratitude and positivity.* These are intentions rather than goals and feel supportive.

Take some time for yourself. What supports you? Lists? Dreams? Intentions? Plans? Goals? Responsibilities? A combination? Remember, this is something that nurtures you, not what you think you should be doing. What challenges and comforts you? What helps you feel freer? It will be different for you. Unique. Not Cindy’s or mine.

Now claim what you see. Give thanks for who and what you are. Know that 2022 is yours.

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*I’m including a link here to a very short video on ‘pronoia” that was the introduction to December 2021’s Corner of Calm. Pronoia is the belief everything is working in your favor.

Images from the top:

2022 Meme — adapted by Spirit Moxie
B’s new view of Mt. Hood, Oregon, USA — Spirit Moxie
Happy 2022 — Canva

Talk to Others

Posted on October 31, 2021 by B

“Oh, I’m a writer. How would you answer the question, ‘what little thing would make a difference if everyone did it?’”

I’m exploring another part of the United States to see if I’m supposed to live there. One of my tests of a city is to get a manicure. This place, around the corner from where I’m staying, lured me in with a great sandwich board that listed low prices that were probably true once. My nail tech, who was chatty and thorough and doing all the get to know you inquiries such as “what do you do?”, thoughtfully looked at my question. “People just need to talk to each other. Like you wished the woman who just left a good day. And our conversation here.” (She admitted to having been shy as a child— a sharp contrast to this outgoing woman who managed this salon.)

So, I’ve been thinking about her suggestion and am realizing she was right. It’s so obvious that “talking to people” really hadn’t been on my list of little things we can do to change the world.

A few days ago I set out to finally meet some people here (a MeetUp event) and somehow got on the wrong streetcar. Which meant that I never did connect with the group, despite the fairly generous meeting time. I even went to a local brewery where they were supposed to be gathering after the event. Nope. No one was there by that name or description. Finally, because all the tables were taken, I asked if I could sit down where there was only one person so I could put down my beer and try texting. “Ah,” the young woman said. “I’ve been watching you. Sure.” The text was answered to say the MeetUp host wasn’t there, but my new table mate and I talked as I finally got something to eat. I learned she was becoming a physician assistant and she ended up hearing about Spirit Moxie, reading some of my poems, and following Spirit Moxie on Instagram. Little things that were exactly right for the evening.

Yes “talk to people” is related to listening to each other as we’ve written elsewhere, but where and how does a simple question or just a comment change things? “Where is the recycling place?” “Do you know if that door is unlocked?” “Love your hair.” “Would you pick out three peaches for me?” as a request at the farmer’s market. (FYI – think I got better quality that way too.)

On a bigger scale talking also helps us find truth and clarity. That’s a gentle way of saying that gossip hurts everyone and that we make assumptions in all of our relationships. Our words, our questions, our willingness to acknowledge to ourselves that we can be wrong, inform our own integrity which, I think, is integral to our health and wholeness.

Why add “to people” in this little thing? Personally, I probably talk to animals more than people (which is one reason I have a story of a goat following me in New Orleans). Plus, I talk to trees (a poetry book on this will be available soon), and, when frustrated, I argue with inanimate objects such as my computer. People are harder to talk to unless I already know them — and even then I am often just polite about it with some sort of superficial greeting. However, when I do really talk (and listen), magic happens.

What happens when you don’t talk to others? What did you really, really want that you didn’t receive simply because you didn’t ask? Is there a place within your own integrity that says, “If only I’d said something” about a situation? I’m mixed on some of the last piece because I’ve sometimes said something, and it was the wrong something. But I know we have to at least acknowledge these times to ourselves.When did you stay unclear about a situation because of not talking?

Exploring actually talking (remember I know almost no one where I am right now) has changed the way I look at my interactions and really has made my life easier. It’s presented a possible new place to live, got the TV where I’m staying to work, and made shopping more straightforward. It’s also allowed a bartender to share his love of wine, let someone else rhapsodize on their love of trees, and provoked an exchange about current writing projects. All in the past few days.

So watch. Listen. Talk. Obvious or not, see how what you say changes how the world shows up for you and your place in it, and how those words seem to affect those around you.

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All photos by Spirit Moxie

The new pedicure
Peaches
Trees and a dog

Intertwined

Posted on September 6, 2021 by B

How does your life fit together? Are work, family, and friends in separate silos, a triangle you try to adjust to fit your week? Or do they somehow integrate into a whole so that social and work commitments merge, and perhaps the piece that gets neglected is you? Or maybe it all balances, a perfect helix or multiple strands of a helix that is somehow one thing.

As some of you know, my life doesn’t go in straight lines. For example, I’ve lived in unconventional locations and still wander almost anywhere I’m invited and randomly engage with the unexpected interests of friends.

Spirit Moxie emerged from my claiming myself as a writer even though the vision of Spirit Moxie is of things we can do together to change the world. That seems to me to be fairly clear. In my search for self (who I am as opposed to who everyone else wants me to be), I learned that wisdom found in our bodies knows the answers to who we really are. So, I started listening to my body, a process that got bludgeoned into me through a mild concussion and an easily treated form of leukemia (but, still, I was sick enough to scare my doctors). From those two events I realized that I was called to a place of presence that moved from presence to “just being.” And, yes, I wrote about it all.

But what does “just being,” besides as a Conversation topic, have to do with Spirit Moxie? What does that have to do with “changing the world?”

The question also is, “what have I learned about just being as well as where, if anywhere, does it become part of how together we change the world?” I feel like I’m being repetitious. But this conundrum has been haunting me.

Well, the book (Moxie Moves: 10 easy ways to make a powerful difference), which was partly written to explain Spirit Moxie, is on reflection, an invitation to community and, by extension, presence. We can’t create change together, for instance, without truly listening to each other, refraining from littering (imposing) emotions and ideologies as well as things, and keeping our word which are three of the ten “ways” expanded in the book. Moxie Moves was possible only through multiple contributions that happened, so it seemed to me, because those helping produce the book also believed we could create change together. All of this is a witness to presence — theirs with me and mine with them.

“Just being” is a place of claiming “now.” There is a stillness. And while it is a very interesting and beautiful space, there isn’t a lot of deliberate action. It’s a place where there is almost always ease and, for me, appreciation and curiosity. But why would anyone want that? And, again, what does it have to do with Spirit Moxie?

I talk about “just being” as a place of not doing. But from that place of not deliberately doing, this Conversation is getting written, Moxie Moves was published, and I got to live in Thailand for a few months. I’ve been calm during COVID and created a way to help others claim calm, which, is called Corner of Calm. As I write this, Corner of Calm has been “going” for half a year. I finally have an opportunity to do some dog training (a forgotten bucket list item). And there is a new vanity poetry book coming out “soon,” also through a community of friends. This is a partial list from the past two years of concrete “things” that happened without deliberately doing, almost all of which involved community. I realized that having things happen without hard work , living through the past two years in calm, and effortlessly engaging with new communities, may indeed be useful to others.

I’m pretty sure this place of being is something one can learn. I see it as a place of empowered productivity through calm, ease, and purpose. Purpose for Spirit Moxie and how you are in the world. Calm and ease through presence. Sounds like “being” may indeed be integral to the whole Spirit Moxie picture. Presence may mean that people would have to change their relationship to time. They would need to be openminded. They would sometimes be wrong. They would, in the process, embrace their own integrity. And thereby learn to “be.” All of which are, again, integral to our change the world premise. I get giddy thinking about it.

How do you see this inter-relationship relate to you? And as I asked at the beginning, how do various aspects of your life intertwine? How do they fit together? Does your life make you happy? Are you happy with your life? Is there freedom in the separation of its parts? Or are the parts competing for time and attention? Do your pieces or strands interrelate and affect who we are as a collective? Does all of this fit with who and what you want to be for the world?
I would love to have time for a walk or a cup of coffee or both so we could talk. But comments work, too.

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I’ve been very privileged to share some of this Conversation around what Spirit Moxie is and who I am in a few podcasts this year. Here is a list with general notes about the podcasts. See if any sound engaging to you. They were all fun for me and all challenged me to think in new ways. All links are to Spotify unless otherwise noted.

More about me than I usually share elicited by JR’s passion for podcasts. WV UnCommon Place hosted by JR Sparrow

Book publishing – and addressing overwhelm – The Author’s Workshop – Francis Mbunya (only available as a Facebook live on his page)

A discussion of Spirit Moxie. The Stephen Ivey Show hosted by Stephen T. Ivey

An illuminating conversation that produced new challenges and ideas. Kirsty, who broadcasts from Scotland, always is thoughtful and highlights small businesses, poetry, and non-profits. She actually used one of my poems so the portion of the show related to Spirit Moxie begins at 14:12 minutes into the recording. The conversation focuses on the book Moxie Moves. Fancy a Blether? hosted by Kirsty Louise

My first podcast interview. SheBlurbs hosted by Brook Wright

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Photos from the top:

Moxie Moves on porch — Mary Barr Rhodes
“Sit!” — Spirit Moxie
Tree (poetry book hint) — Spirit Moxie

Conversation

Posted on July 22, 2021 by B

Recently, a friend was worried about an upcoming visit with some relatives, saying “Their politics and worldview are quite different from ours, and I don’t want to react to one of their side-comments without being mindful of possible consequences. Not sure how many times I can steer the conversation to the weather.” Have you been in a similar situation?

Or maybe, you have a date with your spouse or someone else you know very well. In the middle of dinner, you realize that this isn’t intimate quiet, but rather ,you actually haven’t said anything for 10 minutes and it feels a bit dull and embarrassing. .

Or, you meet someone at a party. Perhaps it is someone you really don’t know that well. (If you’re like me, you aren’t even sure of their name.) What do you say?

It is these situations that always lead me back to Spirit Moxie. Really. Any of the “little things that can change the world” [original list] work very well as a topic. And often the response to the subject will catch you off guard. When I was working on the book Moxie Moves (and, yes, all “10 ways to make a powerful difference” work as conversation starters), I was talking about “be litter free.” And I really was talking about litter—you know, that stuff on the ground people drop and throw. But the three others in the car with me immediately started discussing how we litter one another with expectations and negative ideas. Wow! Plus, recently, as another response to the book, I was being interviewed and the host responded to #6 “Listen.” In the book, I make the distinction between listening and actually hearing the other person. “Why,” my host said, “as you say [I did?], is it important to be heard?” That question evoked a whole new Conversation post called “Being Heard.”

This is all fine for me. These are often my go-to conversation gambits, along with “What’s new?,” which for some reason throws a lot of people into defense mode. It is fine for me to say that there are easily more than one hundred fairly non-threatening and engaging topics that can matter-of-factly be explored. It‘s what I write about. But what about you? What topics would you really, really like other people’s opinions about? What are you seeing as challenges for which you could use some insight?

It’s very tempting to offer a list. But it would be my list. So, I’m curious. If you stop and think for a minute, is there a topic that might seem to be from day-to-day life that you dare begin, ask about, or simply mention as a path or challenge?

I have a weakness for conversations about ideas—along with personal blind spots when I focus on an idea. Only yesterday, I was talking with a new friend, “I’m working on a post about conversation.” “With others or with yourself?” she asked. Oh, my!

Bam. A whole new road to explore! How do you talk to yourself? Can you get over the self-criticism, the shoulds and musts that barrage many of our minds most of the time? Have you tried focusing on and talking to yourself about what brings you delight or happiness or joy? Could you change “should” to “want” or “might try” or, even, “am expected to, but do I really want to?” Do you dare say to yourself, “I love you.” And mean it?

My friend visiting her relatives probably should not introduce the topic “vote” if politics causes tension. But what about “sleep” or “play”? Could you ask, if you really know someone, “what conversations do you have with yourself?”

Right now, my internal conversations revolve around allowing things to unfold in their own time (“just being”) and, at least this week, daring to be wrong. But if we get together, I’ll ask, “what’s new?” and “what does it mean to be litter free?”

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Links have been provided to previous Spirit Moxie Conversation posts and to the Spirit Moxie website as reminders and as conversation!

All photos by Spirit Moxie. From the top:

B thinking what to talk about when out with a friend
The last party attended. The conversation was mainly around shared history.
Note cards of little things that can change the world

Delight

Posted on May 25, 2021 by B

Be grateful.

We repeatedly run into references, share links and memes, and seek out the statistics around the benefits of being thankful. Gratitude changes how we experience the world, promotes happiness, and increases effectiveness. And that’s just for starters, so they say.

Recently I’ve been thinking about an advanced form of gratitude, with no statistics and no predictability such as you get with my usual suggested exercise of listing five things you are grateful for. We’ve practiced those, or at least been told we should practice them. However, as I’ve been “doing my gratitude practice,” which sounds almost boring as a mandate (although it really isn’t when one does it), I’ve realized the words “thanks” and “grateful” are limiting in day to day experiences.

There is another dimension, an expansion if you will. I am grateful for rain. We “need” it. I won’t have to water our new forsythias. In some parts of the country, people are simply thankful that water flows into reservoirs and streams or that the forest has an extra layer of dampness. But is “grateful” the right word for our feeling of thanks for how a Spring rain smells? Or how raindrops sound on the roof? The distinction I’m now making is that while I may be grateful I can hear and smell the rain, when I actually notice the sound and smell of rain I’m really experiencing delight. Loving the smell. Enjoying the sound.

By paying attention, you can begin to play with delight as a distinction. As you notice what is happening on top of, so to speak, your gratitude, you can actually claim delight. Try this as an extended practice of noticing or as a component of being present. What are the elements of something you like that take you beyond just being thankful for whatever it is in itself?

Once you start playing with the word delight, you will find that sometimes an experience of it will just appear. You are just walking along or cruising the internet or cooking dinner. Suddenly you feel a lightness in your heart or you smile in unexpected happiness. This delight catches you off guard. This is the delight you can’t scientifically look for as a verbal distinction as we did in the above paragraph. Why did I feel delight when I noticed my housemate’s artist aprons hanging on the door? They suddenly just brought joy. Or walking by a neighbor’s yard and seeing her planter on a tree. Was it inviting summer? And mushrooms? There they were! And the feeling wasn’t there when I found some others to photograph as an image for this post. (Later I did find one of the original ones and that is the picture I am using.) Or cruising Facebook and learning that a baby platypus is sometimes called a puggle, a word to delight in all by itself, even if a bit of research gives “puggle” some other uses and platypus babies some other names.

As you continue to notice, you might discover delight can go deeper. On one of my first Uber rides in over a year, my driver took a small morsel of food out and explained it was the right time to break his fast for Ramadan. This was unexpected and I felt honored to be a witness, to be included in this multi-cultural world. In one action my world expanded. And I was delighted.

In the past few months I’ve heard many people say that they seek joy. One way to claim joy is to be open to it showing up (it really is that simple). Since I’ve started this distinction about delight, I’ve been pleasantly caught off guard. For me, a component of delight is joy. And it goes both ways. Feeling joy is one way I recognized delight and so name it.

A lightness of heart. Being suddenly brought to a standstill. A smile. What “symptoms” do you associate with delight? Think about it. Where did you last find delight? Was it unexpected? Recognizing and claiming delight is one of the unsung features of being present, calm, and productive.

I’d love to know how you experience delight. For me, right now, just exploring how we encounter it is well, a delight!

Join me.

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All photos by Spirit Moxie. From the top:

Basket on neighbor’s tree
Artist aprons on door
Unexpected mushroom

Tech Support

Posted on May 6, 2021 by B

You’re on deadline: have five (ok, maybe more like 10) windows open on your computer; you’re using the calculator on your phone; and suddenly, everything freezes. Everything. The computer is even fighting being turned off.

“Stupid technology!” And after messing for 20 minutes with this computer key combination and that hack that doesn’t work, making a never-answered call to your software’s support team, and discovering the app you need now won’t even load on your phone, you turn on the TV, open a book, or go to bed. “@#!*#”

Last week, having discovered that a podcast I was on had gone live a week early, which meant posting the last Conversation post I shared while handling two other deadlines and exploring several good ideas demanding equal time, I finally went to send a link to the aforementioned Spirit Moxie post to my podcast host. The link that had worked beautifully all day now read, “this website does not exist, perhaps you misspelled it” — or something to that effect. For. My. Entire. Website. A tweet to my web provider Bluehost, whom I’ve seen responding on Twitter, yielded crickets, as they say. (Just for the record, they are usually wonderfully reliable and supportive.)

And then I remembered.

One of my tenets is that while disasters might happen, overall the universe supports you, things work in your favor, and my electronic devices have my best interests at heart. Really! “Right, B,” you’re saying. “That makes no sense at all.” But bear with me and look at those incidents from another angle. My electronics may be saying I need sleep. Or maybe exercise, food, or a break. Or to think about something before I actually share it. Almost always when I respect that whatever just isn’t going to work right now, that same something is fine a few hours later, the next day, or after I do what my mind and body needs to refresh or rethink. Somehow deadlines are still met. Clients and friends are still happy.

Because the universe has a sense of humor, just as I finished writing this, my friend Lynne casually updated her operating system right before a major client deadline. After three days of patiently dealing with unresponsive support people at Adobe, she finally found someone who agreed that her InDesign files, which wouldn’t open, were not corrupt (and so were sent to the client) and that yes, perhaps she did need to update her computer, something she knew, but didn’t want to be reminded about quite so dramatically. Everyone’s response to things is different, and I’m not at all sure she will think her tech supports her. But it might.

The point of this Conversation is to remind you to breathe, to be present. Now. What unlikely (to you) things in your life do support you if you let them? I could list some, but I’d like to hear where your mind and experience takes you. So, share in the comments.

And, yes, I did go to bed. Right before I turned off the light I checked www.spiritmoxie.com on my phone. It was fine.

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All photos by Spirit Moxie. From the top:

Computer working on Being Heard
Error message
B’s phone

Being Heard

Posted on March 8, 2021 by B

I’ve shared Spirit Moxie on the radio and on television – albeit just locally. But a few days ago I was privileged to share information about Spirit Moxie internationally as part of an inspiring podcast originating in Scotland. The conversation encompassed smiling, sleep, and listening, all topics in Moxie Moves. Then, in the middle of the listening piece, where I talk about actually hearing people, my host asked matter of factly, “Tell us why it’s important to be heard.”

Say, what?

There are many gifts that come with living in the present, but one way it manifests for me is that I seldom consider how something benefits me. When the host asked this question, I knew it was lovely to be heard. Psychologically, it helps one process angst, trauma, and grief. Plus personally I find being understood — so certainly heard — seductive, although others think this is threatening. So it is an individual case.

However this wasn’t how I was processing the question. What I was hearing from the interviewer was, why does “my” being heard matter to the collective whole? How does it change the world?

After a few days of mulling this over, I decided that my response is two-fold. First being heard matters to us as individuals. Not only are there complex psychological benefits such as those mentioned above, but the stronger and happier we are individually the better we can interact and the more we personally can make a difference. Being heard validates us and even if we believe the “I’m not good enough” fear within us, being heard without being judged is affirming and liberating. It is the place of knowing we have an impact, where we know know things do matter.

The second reason that being heard matters is a bit more complex: just the act of your being heard actually matters and changes, in a good way, the world. “Who, me?” you ask. Yes! Remember that there is no one like you. You are completely unique. You are also part of the global community, a piece of the whole. Your voice is distinctively yours, and if it isn’t heard the world loses something. In our extreme desire for individuality, being heard confirms that, yes, we are individuals, but like it or not we are part of something a lot larger: a quilt, a map, an expansion of the collective unconscious or, more dramatically in my experience, what is called zeitgeist (time spirit).

So when you listen, hear others. And when you are heard, be grateful. That action is also changing the world.

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Logo for Fancy a Blether Listen to the podcast here!

Photos from the top:

Hand holding microphone — Mark Stucker
Globe — Sarah Margree

Care for Your Body

Posted on February 1, 2021 by B

Last Wednesday I fell. I tripped in the same place I tripped a little over a year ago when I fractured my arm. This time, the damage was just an impressive set of scrapes on my face, hands, and knee. Often, I joke that my dependence on pockets, rather than carrying a purse, is “small boy syndrome.” I now look like small boy syndrome personified.

The immediate learning from this fall was, “B, you weren’t being present. So, we’ll remind you how important presence is.” But as I’ve been healing, I’ve had another thought. Care of our bodies is as central as presence is to how we affect the world.”Take Care of Your Body” is on the original list of “100 things that can change the world” (the set of “What if everyone…” ideas placed on index cards that began Spirit Moxie). Oh, we’ve written about parts of physical self-care: brush your teeth; wash your hands, etc. And I added “Sleep” to the contents of our book Moxie Moves: 10 easy ways to make a powerful difference. A segment called “Love Your Body” is both online at SpiritMoxie.com and in the book, but what I’m talking about in this post is a whole different challenge, albeit related. Care as central has been missing.

What does “take care of your body” mean? How does that contribute to changing the world? The most obvious reason might simply be that in order to change the world, in order to do any of the little things we talk about as Spirit Moxie, it is easier when you feel well. How do you do any of these things when you are ill, when your body hurts, or when you just feel non-functional? Think about it. We manifest as bodies, despite all the ego’s emphasis on mind and spirit. Which means our bodies are our built in responsibility. In fact, they are more our responsibility than is our obligation to others. (For those of you who just cringed and started thinking about your responsibility for children, for partners, for parents, or to your job, remember that when we care for ourselves, our care of others and our ability to get things done becomes easier and more effective. Really.)

The challenge then becomes knowing how “care for your body” manifests itself. I can’t answer that one for you. The Conversations listed above are pretty universal, but, as someone who can obnoxiously see both sides of almost anything, I know universals are sometimes dangerous. If you are diabetic, care of your body probably involves monitoring your blood sugar. But if you aren’t, that probably isn’t even something you think about. We talk about exercise, but that shows up completely differently for different people. There is the person training for a competitive athletic event, my friend’s 5-days-a-week workout challenge, and my personal hope for warmer weather so I can walk more regularly. Right now, care for my body involves putting antibiotic ointment and some stuff that should help prevent scarring on my skin at least twice a day. Before last week, I was using only some lotion and sunscreen.

Is what you are doing actually “care”? Well, pay attention. Before you get up in the morning, do a mental scan and see how your body feels. Ask (yes, really) what it needs. For instance, food. Your diet and mine are probably very different. We hear of everything from raw food or vegan to I’ll eat anything, preferably in moderation. The real question is how does what you are eating make you feel? Tired or energized?

Have you had a medical checkup lately? Even more importantly, have you found health practitioners who pay attention to what you know about your body and who are committed to your living your best self? (Yes, there really are doctors and other practitioners like that.)

This Conversation is mainly questions. Or maybe just one question. How do you take care of your body? The first step is to pay attention. The second is to do the care, knowing it empowers your ability to change the world.

What’s on your list? Share. Do it.

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All images are by Spirit Moxie – from the top

Skinned knee
Care checklist (for fun)

Book link is a Spirit Moxie affiliate link

It’s a New Year – ReSet!

Posted on January 3, 2021 by B

“May you live in interesting times.” For a lot of people, this curse of ambiguity and possible danger encompassed by the word “interesting” has certainly applied to 2020. Maybe you were bored to tears. Or, perhaps you were called or forced to work exponentially harder in increasingly unsafe conditions. Maybe great things happened; yes, that was possible.

One of the exercises we did in Spirit Moxie’s recent ReSet for the New Year retreat was to name a bit of gratitude for 2020, while remembering that “liking” and “being grateful” are not synonyms. If gratitude has disappeared for you, here is a link to our original post “Give Thanks.” It is only from this place that we can truly reset for 2021.

Ah, but then what? Every year there seems to be a new trend. Claim a word. Dream (which was Spirit Moxie’s a few years ago). Or whatever. They all work. This year the trend seems to be something along the lines of “who do you want to become?” or “in what direction are you and what you are about headed?”

There’s still a disagreement about giving up resolutions. You know, those lists of things we said we “should” that usually were ignored or forgotten before the end of January? On a related note for several years I had excellent results listing goals—if excellence means that I wrote them out and then looked at them a couple of times a year to see if any actually happened. I seem to remember things like “submit poems for publication” and then going back to my list and thinking, “Oh, I did that!” (or didn’t as the case may be).

Being human, we are wedded to things and results. So, for 2021 I’m inviting you to a use a combination of the above New Year’s responses. First, name the things you would really love to have this year or the results of your endeavours you would like to see. Now look underneath. What experience or feeling would that thing or result give you?

During our ReSet retreat, people ended up going from “getting out of the house” to being useful, from cars to adventure. Many participants named wanting to feel zest and joy again. And so, we took the first steps into the possibility of the new year.

When I look at this for myself, one concrete “thing” I want is to be debt free. I can go with this to what seems obvious: feeling abundance. Except I actually already feel this. So, I need to follow that thread of feeling and being a bit further. In the end, to my surprise, I am experiencing a deep yearning for a huge expansion in the impact that’s possible for Spirit Moxie. In other words, it would mean many people actually getting that what they do, and do together, can change the world. Underneath that vision. I have simply a general feeling of expansiveness without completely understanding what that might mean. Do I know how to get there? No. But naming and recognizing this feeling is today’s first step.

So maybe I’m ending once again with a dream. Where does going underneath your wishes and desires take you? Name it. Take a step. Share.

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If you want more inspiration here are the links to previous New Year Conversations:

Dream (2016)
And a year begins… (2017) into 2018
Welcome to the New Year (2019)
2020 (2020) -Find beauty. Explore. Share. (almost the whole post)

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Graphics and photos (from the top):

2020-21 Happy New Year —Vecteezy.com
Stack of Journals — Spirit Moxie
Grassy path at Voice of America MetroPark (paths always symbolize steps for us) — Spirit Moxie