Mattering

Book (Moxie Moves) and Bear on bedWhen I first had the, “I really need to publish a book, plus I am tired of no one really understanding Spirit Moxie” conversation with my self, I chose the working title, Mattering.  But I soon discovered that the problem with that title was that no one really understood what it meant. Mattering didn’t invite one to grab a copy off a bookshelf. 

So when I first tried to save a draft of this Conversation piece, I got the message, “An item with the same name “Mattering” already exists in the same folder. Do you want to replace it?” Ahhh. I’d forgotten my book’s working title. So now those initial files are safely in their own folder under the book’s final title Moxie Moves:10 easy ways to make a powerful difference.

Shirt reading you are exactly where you need to beToday it is “mattering” as its own topic that is haunting me. Spirit Moxie, which has become part of my identity, now has a life of its own. Most of its fairly original ideas, which were once a tad controversial, are now common place. I’m single and alone a good deal of the time. I was pretty tired when the feeling that “I don’t matter” hit me a few days ago. Even while I was tired, I could journal a bit. I remembered that my children can’t really imagine a world without me, that I have great friends who love me, and that there are at least one dog and one cat on this world who miss me terribly when I’m not around—or at least their behavior when I reappear is indicative of that. 

On a larger scale, why do we find claiming that we matter so difficult? Here in our Conversations and on our YouTube channel, I’ve repeatedly reminded all of us that we make a difference. But I’m betting that many readers put themselves aside as the one exception. Other people matter. But how could I?

As I write this, we’re approaching an election in the United States. Do you really believe it matters that you vote as we have claimed it does? And what was that about sleep which is one of the 10 ways to make a difference discussed in Moxie Moves? How could my sleeping, tired or not, change the world as a whole? Plus what about recycling? Does it really make a difference? Don’t they just throw everything away anyway? 

I’m writing this during a MeetUp hosted by my housemate. While no one cares, really, what I’m writing, it’s not mirroring the group’s official writing genre. Does it matter that I’m mainly here to support?

decorative shelfAnd so it goes. Who, me? Matter? Turn it around! In the upcoming election, it matters that there is a person I’d prefer have elected. A vote at the very least acknowledges that and affirms the importance of participating. Getting a good night’s sleep makes me more productive and a lot easier to be around as well as healthier. And, when I was working on the “Recycle” Conversation post linked here, I visited a recycling plant, so I have seen recycling work. Plus, here at the MeetUp, I just lent some paper to a guy who asked what we are doing and sat down to join us. The participant sitting next to me signed up for Spirit Moxie emails and voiced interest in “mattering” as a topic. So, I mattered to them, and they mattered to me. 

It works that way. One of my favorite social media hashtags is #makingadifference. Much of this is accomplished by claiming that you do, indeed, matter. If you can’t see it right now, take a breath. Look around – and at yourself. Yup. No one else sees or acts as you do. It is the claiming that is key.

Thank you for mattering.

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Images from the top:
Bed, book, and bear — Spirit Moxie
Shirt – you  are where you need to be — Spirit Moxie
Shelves, MeetUp location, Bula Kava House — Noël Ponthieux

Pay Attention

Several years ago, I began a speech with the words, “I am an ostrich.” 

OstrichMy friends know I seldom watch the news or pursue a newspaper, real or online. This is, perhaps, one way of not paying attention, although it feels more like emotional preservation. The world makes sure I know about any essential events. 

But another way of not paying attention literally hit me a couple of weeks ago when I almost walked into a moving train. One had passed going right and it was only the whistle from another one coming from the right, and the gasp (and maybe a hand?) from the person behind me, that stopped me.

Extreme examples? Maybe. But current events for most of us are at such a peak with such things as global conflict and the United States’ (where this is being written) upcoming election that almost all “work with me” or “attend this” invitations assume fear and overwhelm in people based on simply knowing and sharing reactions to what’s going on. 

MAX train - PortlandSo where is the balance? How is one accountable and so not hit either physically or psychically and still able to avoid most fear and paranoia? How does one know what to pay attention to while remaining calm and grounded? And how do we do that?

First, remember that what you continually focus on expands. We know some positives of this. Love of someone worth loving. Talking to plants helps them grow (really). Learning to listen to the needs and wants of your physical body contributes to health and wellbeing. But we get in trouble when we either obsess or delight in the negative. We obsess about wanting a better job or bills we’re not sure how to pay. Or, we find someone with whom we disagree doing something incredibly stupid and delightedly share this information. And share it. And share it. With friends, on social media, and in conversations with our cats. These sorts of focusing give power to the negative. 

Energy by its nature expands. Remember? So all these actions and thoughts, but maybe particularly the negative, gives power to things we don’t want to give power to. What do we want to expand? Pay attention and focus on what gives joy and life. There’s a perfect tomato in my kitchen. What’s the best way for me to enjoy it? The cat wants extra time sleeping on my lap. Perhaps I, too, am called to be still. And, yes, you see positive news and share it. You take positive action by supporting a cause, listening to a friend, and loving your body. So look. Drown yourself in what’s beautiful. 

Philodendron If you’re having trouble finding the positive, take a minute right now and look around. What are you noticing? One of my most negative friends loves black. If he were here, he could appreciate my black sweatshirt and the “sexy” black mic sock on the microphone by my computer. Breathe. Ah! You can breathe. There is that. Plus your heart is pumping quite independently. You can find the positive in that. It can be that small. If all you know is news, appreciate that you get it and stop there. If you’re called to real action appreciate the opportunity and community. (Most of those bits are always in community.) If you love puzzles, make it a puzzle to find five things to notice and appreciate right now: Our potential lawn guy just lowered his estimate by $50. I got an invitation for dinner. I know where my phone is! This Conversation piece is almost finished. I’ve heard that my friends who were in the path of Hurricane Helene are struggling, but basically OK.

So breathe. Pay attention. What do you see? If it’s negative, weed it out by knowing but not obsessing. Fertilize the positive. Spread energy accordingly.

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Photos from the top:

Ostrich – William Warby
(Note: Ostriches burying their heads is a myth, but has become a metaphor for avoidance and they do lower their heads when scared,}
MAX train – Spirit Moxie
Philodendron growing nicely – Spirit Moxie

The Challenge of Story

Five star library sign; bookshelvesAlmost everyone loves a good story, whether a formal tale or that anecdote about the guy in the supermarket. It’s one reason gossip is fuel for so many and, I’m guessing, is also the basis for serious insights revealed in therapy. 

One version of story — I might argue the most pervasive version — is what our minds “say” about feelings and events. It may indeed be raining. Someone hit you. Joe actually said those words. I might like rain, see the blow as a playful punch, and know Joe was teasing. However, you might experience rain as depressing, be scared of such violent action, and feel violated by Joe’s words. When one starts identifying our interpretations as story, it can be very freeing even when the interpretation is negative. And when we start looking at being powerful in the world, truly wanting to contribute to positive change, just beginning to see this is important.

However, there are other sides of story. There are the ones we hear and read. But today the sides I’m fascinated with are the ones that explain how we’ve evolved and are evolving into our best selves. This is the part of you that, perhaps, loves animals, understands music, and smiles at strangers. The part of you that yearns to change the world, that wants to make a powerful difference, has also been formed by story. 

Because often our default in stories about ourselves is negative, and we usually tell those stories to share our vulnerability, I dare you to look deeper. Other stories are there.

shadow of figure on sidewalkI got to this point by realizing I’m sometimes impatient when people see situations as hard (yes, I know I don’t know all of the details). And I realized why.  One day I was simply walking down the street by the main branch of the Cincinnati public library (officially the Cincinnati and Hamilton County Public Library), headed to meet my son for dinner. Suddenly I fell down. I didn’t trip. I didn’t pass out. My shoes were tied. There wasn’t a bump. I just fell. Flat on my face.  Well, at least I turned my head. After I convinced the 20-year-olds passing by that they didn’t need to call 911 and was given some Kleenex by one of them, I proceeded on, got some ice for my head from the restaurant’s bartender, and had dinner. Two days later I finally went to my doctor who diagnosed a mild concussion. And the remedy for a mild concussion is low light and no activity. 

So, I thought, in the best new age manner, “What is my body trying to tell me?” Clearly, since my body simply fell, it was trying to get my attention about something. As I lay there in the low light, I realized it seemed to be calling me to be simply present. It was saying that planning and forced acting wasn’t me. And for a year, I easily lived in that space.

But at the end of the year I was diagnosed with an odd kind of leukemia. Clearly, in this story of listening to my body, my body was actually shouting. This time the attention getting involved three weeks in the hospital, first with chemo, second through a process of resetting my white blood count, and finally the diagnosis and treatment for a nasty MERSA infection. Apparently, being present was still too active. I was called just to be.

Personally, I love this story. Mainly because it works. People talk about internal mind chatter (yes, I do still have some), how hard it is to live in “now,” and being overwhelmed with day-to-day demands. Apparently, almost dying (as my doctor once impatiently reminded me) can make just being almost always easy. Note that through just being, multiple things happened, or got done if you prefer, such as publishing two books* and moving across the country.

Green rock with "Believe in Yourself" on itThis, too, is a story. Somewhere there is a story that works for  you. Perhaps it’s about learning how to love. Or what happened when your kids finally realized they didn’t know everything. Maybe it has something to do with seeing, really seeing, that you’re good at skiing or gardening or playing the Legend of Zelda. Or whatever you like to do.

You may learn that you can relax enough to begin a story where you, too, find the advantages of presence, being, and ease.

Play with it. It’s time to give your positive stories space and love. I dare you to share!

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All photos by Spirit Moxie – from the top:

Main branch of the Cincinnati Library – 2019
B’s shadow on sidewalk
Rock – “Believe in Yourself” (Don’t really know the source of this photo, do you?)

*Books: Moxie Moves: 10 easy ways to make a powerful difference
Talking to Trees through poetry and pictures

Spirit

“So, what do you mean when you say, ‘spirit’?” I’d come late to a MeetUp and, having grabbed a drink, unexpectedly found myself in an in-depth conversation about Spirit Moxie. I get asked about “moxie” all the time, but for me, in this religiously neutral crowd, this was a first. Not sure what I answered, but now realize truly answering feels important.

Sunset with trees“Spirit,” for me, is multi-faceted and ranges from the energy at a football game to serious conversations on theology. But perhaps the most basic place for the word and idea comes from the way people describe being human as “body, mind, and spirit.” Do you say this? If so, what does it mean to you? When one simply looks up the definition of “spirit,” or, to be precise, looks it up in the dictionary on my phone, the very first definition is “the principle of conscious life; the vital principle in humans, animating the body or mediating between body and soul.” Hmmm. So, in some way, our spirit is what makes us conscious of our humanity and of our existence. 

On a theological note, you have probably heard of the Trinity as a way of describing God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Books have been written about this and debates have raged largely resulting in all kind of confusion. 

Rocks, sky, scrub treeWhat I want to suggest here is a perspective I’m pretty sure I didn’t come up with on my own, but I can’t trace it to a source. Simply put, how humans talk about God and the energy that image embodies changes about every 2,000 years. We have the time of the Old Testament or BCE (Before the Common Era) which describes god in a fairly hierarchical way (the Father). Then comes the more personal connection personified in the figure of Jesus that has affected a good portion of the world, whatever your religious beliefs are, during the past 2,000 years or so. It is reflected in Western calendar dating and has been the root cause of  multiple wars and atrocities. This pattern now has us entering a new 2000 years as the time of the Spirit. Because all transitions are gradual  (and often violent) you can see this in things such as “The Age of Aquarius,” which gained popularity through the musical Hair in the 1960s (although what is really trippy is that we are apparently entering that age now if you believe Google and Wikipedia). 

Sunset, winter skyWe can see truth in this idea of our being in a time of the Spirit as we listen to some of the current spiritually based (there’s that darn word “spirit’ again) coaches and writers. One example is Martha Beck’s work, particularly in her novel Diana, Herself and in her training of “Wayfarers,” i.e., people seeking to navigate wild times with their own wild self and who feel a call to serve others in their confusion and fear. We see this in the work of Eckhart Tolle as he talks about being present and alive. And we see this in how people are connecting around conversations about shared energy, making a difference, and claiming hope despite environmental and political stresses. When you are with a thoughtful group of people, listen to the conversations related to personal growth or other kinds of energy. They are glimpses of the Spirit at work.

We see this movement in Spirit Moxie as we continue, since 2013, to  claim hope, embrace what we value as ourselves, and explore how this celebrates the connections among us. 

Confused? Most of what you see depends on what you are looking for. So where might you see Spirit, however defined, working now?

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All photos by Teresa O’Bryant
From the top:
Sunset
Wolf Creek Valley Overlook
Winter Sky